What was marriage like in biblical times?

Although it is not a book on marriage, you may want to read "A farewell to alms." It is primarily an economics text, but as it is likely you are from a developed society it is also likely you will not be able to understand why things were they way they were. If you were to move to Afganistan or Pakistan's tribal regions you might have a good understanding of what was going on.

Anthropologists would likely tell you that there isn't a uniform answer to this type of question for several reasons. First, the bible spans thousands of years. Second, some passages of the New Testament weren't written for 300 years after the death of Jesus. The story of the woman caught in adultery wasn't invented until the 4th century. Indeed, by historical accident we know who wrote it, when and where it was written and how it accidentally got included in some copies of John's gospel. As an experiment, you can cover the passage over with paper and then read it. Then read it with the passage and you can see it was obviously inserted much later. If you hear John sung in Greek it is even more obvious.

It is that passage that ended honor killings, by the way. If you wonder why honor killings didn't happen in Europe, it is that one passage. There was nothing about that at the time of Jesus. Indeed, the bible describes the rules for honor killings.

You should instead ask this question in the anthropology section. The other problem with your question is that it would have been different in different parts of the ancient world at different times. My suggestion is to go to the anthropology section and ask for a good book on the anthropology of ancient marriages. My guess is you will be very surprised. The ancient world was very advanced in many ways in many places and extremely primitive in others.

Indeed, modern marriage is a post Protestantism idea. If you look at a modern marriage then you could not relate to an ancient one. The rise of female monastics was a Christian alternative to women as commodities.

In Biblical times, in in fact all the way up until the 19th century (and beyond in many places) marriage was arranged primarily based on political or monetary considerations and had nothing to do with 'love.

A Prince would marry the princess from another kingdom to seal peace between the two kingdoms. A middle class merchant would marry his attractive daughter to the son of a land lord to raise his status, or the family status. A Wheat farmer would marry his daughter to a baker to obtain a monopoly on his grain sales to the baker. A rancher would have his son marry the daughter of a butcher to get his son a leg up into that side of the business. There were always some open minded parents who would consider letting their children marry for love but that was the exception not the norm.

Look at Fiddler on the Roof - the plot was primarily one mans wrestling with the question of arranged marriage or letting his daughters marry for love.

Even today the Gay marriage issue is really about money.. tax breaks, insurance coverage etc. etc.

I don't think that there's any way to really give a narrow definition. Some people seem to think that all marriages were miserable for the women, who were raped and/or physically and/or emotionally abused. However, that was not the case for all of them. The Bible gives several examples of married couples, and talks about what their marriages were like.

For example, Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. Although it's not what we consider to be a traditional marriage today, there's no indication from the Bible that there was any abuse going on, and in fact, from all appearances, it looks like the ladies ran the household, not Jacob.

Isaac and Rebekah are another good example. The Bible says that they loved each other very much, and describes them as having had a very loving marriage.

Ruth and Boaz loved each other too, and Boaz was extremely kind to Ruth.

In fact, I can only think of one account where someone was horrible to his concubine, and that was the man whose concubine was gang-raped and murdered in Judges 19. But then their relationship wasn't exactly healthy anyway, since she had run off on him to have affairs with other men, and he had to go get her.

It's true that marriage was treated like a business transaction, and the men had to pay their bride's family to marry her. However, the reason for it was because 1) usually the bride would go live with her husband's family, which meant that her own family would lose her labor, and 2) the man had to prove that he could support his wife and a family. Yes, women did have a lot of children, but they *had* to; in an agrarian society, their survival depended on having extra labor to help tend to the crops and gardens. During the transition to an industrial society, which is what we live in now, women had fewer children because they didn't need as many. Hence, birth rates fell steadily during the 19th century.

Anyway, some women had wonderful marriages to men who treasured them and treated them with dignity and respect. Others, not so much. Sometimes women had a choice about who to marry, because their fathers loved them and respected them, and wanted them to be happy. Other times, not so much. So it really just all depended, and that's why it's hard to give a specific idea of what marriage was like.

Quick side note first. Solomon did not write the "Song of Solomon" and nowhere in the "Song" does it ever mention marriage.

Otherwise, you did get some good answers here. I would assume "biblical time" would imply to me to mean about the time of Jesus' lifetime. Essentially, it generally DID mean an arranged marriage and the groom paid a "bride price". Sadly, you also had the rule about a woman having to marry her rapist and was stuck with him because he could not divorce her. You are dealing still with a variety of cultures and customs varied widely. I agree that you would do well to check out "marriage customs" on Google or ask in anthropology section for good links. Sorry, but I do not think this is a good site for what you want.

One fact, though. In both Jewish and Greek cultures (the latter having a very strong influence on "christian" thought/theology). they tended to be rather misogynist, Life was not always a happy lot for women in those days in most cases.

On the other hand, in the Gospels, Jesus had many female followers and Paul, in his genuine epistles, praised many women for their contributions to his missionary work, including as preachers and even baptizers. So it's a mixed bag.

Blessings on your Journey!

I think that the Old Testament, or Hebrew Scriptures, have at least two books on the subject. One is the "Song of Solomon," which is pretty explicit and quite romantic. It is surprising that King Solomon wrote such a book but then you have to consider that Israel is technically an oriental country since it is in the Middle East or Near East.

A second book would be "Ruth" which is considered one of the most beautiful love stories of all time. Ruth's husband dies, as you know, and so she follows her mother-in-law back to Israel--Ruth 1:16 (KJV) And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, [or] to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people [shall be] my people, and thy God my God:

Both of them are very poor, yet Ruth ends up marrying Boaz, and actually becomes an ancestor of King David.

Look time, no see, Citrine Dream.

the length of time was up to a week of festivities, the bridegroom would arrive at anytime , day or night , and once the wedding started all doors were locked and latecomers were not allowed to enter . this parallels the parable of the wise and foolish virgins which jesus preached , and the parable of the wedding feast

You need to define biblical times. Do you mean the time of Jesus and the jewish ceremonial traditons or the daily life of a married couple? Do you want to go back to the time of the Law where they had multiple wives and concubines?

It was purely business. It was about money, controlling inheritance and creating more boys to fight and more girls to give birth to more fighters. And in being able to control birth (and macho possessiveness) they also had to control the girls.

In a nutshell. It was business for the men and dreary for the women.

Marriage was more of a business transaction between families than anything.

What's a snarky answer? One that is honest about domestic abuse, rape, and suppression?

Well, I'm sure there are some eager Christians here who will happily blow smoke up your a*s.