Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
Is this paragraph well written?
He confirmed that he would, watching me make for my chambers, which was only across the hall in our home, a house of a somewhat moderate size, yet nothing to match the scope of a manor, or Mr. Granger's residence, Hallersham Hall. I paid no attention to the fact that I could be the mistress of Hallersham should I be civil and agreeable to its owner, for how can wealth affect the pining of the heart? Coins cannot subject a heart to servitude, despite its ability to enact the same objective towards the mind. Neither my mind or heart would be coerced by Mr. Granger's pocket or amiability, though.
Do you find the writing tolerable or good?
2 Answers
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
The sentences are needlessly complex / compound, with phrase upon phrase and clause upon clause. While this kind of layering of imagery is not, in and of itself, bad, it needs to be handled with somewhat more care.
The opening sentence is also incomplete: "He confirmed that he would..." what? The action is never completed.
There are also instances of noun / verb disagreement: "chambers, which [were]..."
This entire paragraph could be reduced to a fraction of its size, with stronger imagery. It would first, of course, need to be made to make sense.
- JonLv 68 years ago
Is this a joke? There are six commas in the first sentence. No, this does not sound good at all.
