I need help to get over my wedding?

It's a day - it's ONE day. Things didn't go as planned, people were outright rude [seriously, your mother and sisters couldn't be bothered to be on time, even your bridesmaids were late? That's on THEM and it's incredibly rude.] Yes, it's a disappointment because you planned so much but perhaps some little things weren't addressed, like someone making sure the tablecloths were pressed. There should have been a firmer schedule of who was supposed to be where at what time. Then all those uninvited, unexpected guests - what kind of people do that??

But it's done and there's no undoing it. There was all the excitement of getting to the big day, now there is the inevitable let down that it's done and real life kicks in. What you CAN do instead is focus on the positives, look for good things you may have missed in thinking about what went wrong.

You married the man you want to spend the rest of your life with - that's not changed and if you focus on THAT instead of the disappointments, you really will be okay. If HE had been late or not shown up, then you'd have a real problem. He's with YOU. You can build a wonderful enviable life with this man, one that excludes all the rudeness you described above.

OK, the first thing is, it's heartening to hear you still have the husband.

That's what the wedding is all about, after all, right?

Second - no one's wedding *ever* comes out the way they dream - no matter what they say.

SOmething always happens, because it depends upon an army of people you are hiring for the first time in your life, to do all sorts of critical jobs, and more often than not at least one of them messes up or misunderstands what you thought you wanted. Getting from in your daydreams to the ground is a very very long trip.

First - talk to your husband about the way you are feeling. Make sure he understands you don't regret marrying him - just that you are feeling down after the buildup of a dream wedding. Keep in mind, this is *normal* - even if things turned out largely as you planned. The time after the wedding is, well, a lot of work that most people forget. There's no after-celebration, you're just married...and life goes on. Normal, and nothing wrong with that, but can psychologically be a letdown because you're tired and everything is new.

It's incredibly important that you talk to your husband - not Yahoo!Answers - and share your feelings. If you are feeling socially left out, perhaps start to invite a few people over for dinner every week. It's time for you to establish your social patterns, and this is a good way to get back into that, and also be able to decorate the table, arrange a menu - things you can now control that didn't turn out as you wished at your wedding.

If you make sure to use all the stuff you got for your wedding, and make the table beautiful with fresh flowers, take LOTS of pictures, you will get through this. And someday, you will be able to look back and laugh at the horrible photographer, caterer, and security guys, and realize you got the best of all out of the day, and he's right there in front of you.

You're not wrong to be disappointed, but don't let it rule your life, and be careful of depression.

Tell your husband, and your doctor, before it really takes hold, and you'll get through it together.

I can understand why you keep thinking about it. What a disaster to have all those things happen. I think it is good you wrote it all onto paper here ( or onto computer, rather) and I hope that that is the beginning of getting it out of your mind and onto a different vehicle as you itemized all those things that went wrong. I suggest you write reviews of all of the vendors online which will help others not hire them. Also it will make you feel better. You cannot write reviews of your bridesmaids i guess. But you can re analyze your friendships and I would. Use this event to cancel out those thoughtless persons. Was it the kids running amuk that caused the cake to collapse? If not, I would call the bakery and demand a refund. I never thought children belonged at a wedding since the parents do not watch them. Your husband may feel the same way you do about it. I wonder why you thought it would cause an argument if you speak with him about it.? Was any of it his fault? I dont know all the details but you certainly have a right to be angry. What I learn from reading brides questions on here is that no one thinks past the wedding itself and about the marriage. the marriage is the important part so I do hope you can share your concerns with your husband in a non argumentative way ( but maybe There are reasons why you cant)

You will get over it. Everyone does. yes, that sounds like you had many mishaps, but you got married and have a husband now and at the end that is all that matters.

Perfect weddings do not exist. Everyone always have something that does not go as planned, even with the best planning. I think most people reflect back and in retrospect they would have done some things different, but at then end everything is already said and done and you cannot change it, it is part of the past.

How to stop thinking about it? look ate your beloved husband. He is yours forever and now you know who your real friends are. You are a married woman now and you don't have to think about color coordination anymore. This too shall pass.

PS/ Brides read on: do NOT compromise on professional photography. Any dumb monkey with a camera will take your money even if they have no idea what they are doing. Pay a PROFESSIONAL not a kid off the internet, or your cousin's uncle, your friend or the cheapest one you can find.

www.ribbet.com - a powerful and fun (and easy) editing tool. Take those sucky wedding pictures and make them into works of art that you love. Seriously...have a field day with it until you have at least some that you like.

Another idea is to hire a GOOD photographer, get yourself a wedding dress off craigslist or from goodwill/salvation army store (or just wear the one you wore on your wedding day), dress him up, and have "wedding portraits" taken. It won't be the full ceremony of course, but at least you'll have some good pictures of the two of you in wedding attire. Take them someplace beautiful, and screw all the people who helped ruin your day! Sounds to me like they have no place in these pictures, and neither does anyone else.

Get online and write bad reviews about every single company or individual that had a part in it. Leave a bad one for the photographer, for the caterer, for the security company, the DJ. Don't hold back. Getting a little justice for yourself by warning others about them could help make you feel better.

And finally, definitely tell your husband how you feel about the wedding day. He probably feels the same way. After all, it was supposed to be YOUR day, it was supposed to be magical, and happy. I don't think it will cause an argument because it's not like you regret getting married to him. You just wish the wedding had been better.

Good luck...that really sucks, I hope you feel better soon!

I am sorry your day did not go as you planned but Honey, it has been a month get over it already. You are putting so much focus on that reception that you are missing the whole point of it, You married the man you love. The rest is all just fluff that really has no meaning. The day is over so leave it in the past. This is what mature people do. Children continue to sulk and hold on to the anger. You are having emotional temper tantrums. You cannot change the past, continuing to hold on and to be upset is just allowing the past to sour your present and future.

You need to develope some coping skills and fast. Your attitude is not the mature one. You will face many more things that do not work out the way you want. Is this how you are going to react? if so your marriage will not last, and you will not have a happy life. Life never works out the way we think and perfect does not exist. Put this behind you and move on. You can keep going over this and stay miserable or let it go and face what could be a very bright future, if you let it be so

No expectations = no disappointments.

You've really missed the whole point of the wedding. You were more concerned with the party than with actually getting married... tho apparently not that concerned because a lot of those things (as Katey pointed out) could have been easily prevented.

You're choosing to dwell on this, instead of dwelling on the happy fact that you're now married. That's your choice, but you're making yourself pretty miserable.

Just choose not to worry about it. Have a great party for your 5 year anniversary, and make sure you plan that one better.

Hey... first of all, just relax! I know its not something that i should say .. but that's what you need to do right now.. I know how you feel.. every girl has dream of a fairy tail wedding, and in yours mess ups just didn't seem to be ending. But, what's done is done! and you can never change it.

You love your husband, and he is your partner for life, and marriage wows contain that you both should share everything. It would be the best if you tell your husband about it, share everything with him but humbly. Make him understand what you wanted and what happened.. I am sure he will figure something out.. You can plan a trip to some island, beach or anywhere you would like to go and have a private cozy ceremony there.. I know it can't make up to what you wanted but might help... :)

Howdy,

while I totally sympathize with you and I feel really bad that so many things went wrong in the wedding, I would like to urge you to look at the big picture. Yes, wedding is a big deal, but it's really one day out of your whole life. You have a whole life ahead of you - years and years of love and bliss and happiness to look forward to, and I guarantee that the longer you stay happy in your actual marriage, the bad wedding day will seem more and more trivial.

Besides, who says you only get one party in your life? Many of my family friends throw a few more parties down the road. There's always that wedding vow renewal party at some significant year anniversary of your wedding. There's also the big numbers - 10th, 20th, 25th, 50th... all of these years you can either choose to celebrate it quietly with your hubby or throw yet another big party. If you are not happy with your wedding pictures - heck you did spend all that money on the dress, right? You can always go to a photo studio in your dress and do another formal shot with just you and your husband.

I'll give YOU a bad wedding....one my parents attended.

The venue accidentally booked the room for a wedding and a sales convention...rather than cancelling with the second booking, they put a divider up since both parties were small.

All during the wedding the speeches and applause from the convention side were distracting.

All during the convention, the talking and dancing music from the wedding side interrupted the speeches.

Some one from the convention side poked his head around the partition and told the wedding celebrants to pipe down...he got 'the finger'....verbal back and forths eventually erupted into a food fight between both groups....the cops were called to break it up.

In the meantime the groom got so drunk he vomited then passed out-spent his honeymoon night sleeping it off with his bride dissolved into a puddle of tears.

The Bride in this case realized being married as far more important than the party to celebrate it. She got over it.

You need to as well....too much focus on your perfect dream wedding which does not exist in the real world for anyone...and not enough focus on your marriage.