What do you do when the love of your life is not right for you?

I got so upset reading this story as I've been in such a similar situation. Fortunately, I realised 3 weeks before the Wedding just what was what and ended things and the 'live of my life' and I are still good friends 12 years later.

In my opinion you should leave him. You have put your life, heart and soul into this man, this marriage and this love and have received little more than a best friend in return. Whilst that is nothing to be sniffed at, it isn't anywhere near what you deserve or what you want or promised to one another in your vows.

There is no reason why love has to turn to hate when you divorce, it simply evolves into something different. You could, if you could handle it, and if you want it, maintain a friendship with this man but move on with your love life to either single life or someone who will love you as you should be loved - wholeheartedly.

I don't see why you should have to accept second best status to a harsh and unfeeling first Wife who was inferior to you anyway, why should you compete with the ghost of a woman who treated him badly and be haunted by photographs everywhere? It IS disrespectful of his family, I agree. If your Husband had any backbone whatsoever, he would disallow this and defend you.

As for a Victorian marriage, c'mon now. Time, has moved on, thankfully. You will be dead for a very long time Love, you need to enjoy what time you are alive properly, not living some half life, competing against inferior ex Wives who aren't half the Woman you are....

Get out and get what you so richly deserve, some real fun, to be loved until you burn, a family that embraces you, to laugh every day and to be someone's everything rather than a mere convenience and consolation prize. I think you sound like an absolute Sweetheart. I wish you all the best, good luck, good health, wealth, wisdom, happiness and most of all - true love, it's about time. XxX

This has been going on for 5 years, do you want to be in this same situation in 10, 15 or even 25 or thirty years from now? Do what you can to save your marriage but if he wont talk honestly with you I don't believe it will work. As a last resort try a separation if he doesn't try and win you back you'll know it's over. Good luck. Do not settle.

If he is the love of your life , which I really dont understand, then you should stay with him for the rest of your life. once you realize that it will be easier for you and easier than trying to change him. Then you can be rather Victorian about it, and have a boyfriend on the side.

My dear friend, if you want to maintain self respect and dignity as woman, yes you can divorce him. If you want to ruin your life forever you carry on with your unhappy marriage. He will not forget his ex till he dies.