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What do you think of this paragraph?

It's the description of part of a pirate town.

The Black Dog tavern had once been a grand house, in the Spanish style, with two wings, two stories, and a tiled roof, its central courtyard open to the stars. But the English had captured and partially burned it, and no good had come to the place when the Spanish took it back, or when the French had bombarded it with cannon fire, or when the English claimed it yet again.

Now pirates ruled the island and repairs had finally begun. Palmetto thatch covered holes in the roof, and blackened beams mixed with mud and fresh timber supported the north wall. The north wing was gone forever, but the two-story central courtyard remained almost intact. A balcony ringed the space on three sides, allowing whores of both sexes, pirates and gentleman deep in their cups to look out over the noisy crowd below, laughing, calling to friends and trading gossip.

Tables and benches were rough-hewn timber, or else heavily carved Spanish antiques, and a few places on the wall held fine, moldy old paintings, slowly succumbing to the dampness and the heat. And after three years, when the wind blew from the north west, the place still smelt of rain, and gunpowder, and burning.

3 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'll be damned. This is exceptionally good.

    But I am a stylist so I can't resist trying to tighten it down until is squeaks. If you don't see what I did and why, email lars at larseighner dot com.

    The Black Dog once was a grand house in the Spanish style, with two wings, two stories, a tiled roof, and a central courtyard open to the stars. But the English captured and burned it, and no good was done to the place when the Spanish took it back, or when the French bombarded it, or when the English reclaimed.

    The pirates have begun repairs. Palmetto thatch has covered holes in the roof, and blackened beams mixed with mud and fresh timber have reinforced the north wall. The north wing is gone forever, but the two-story central courtyard remains almost intact. A balcony rings the space on three sides, allowing whores of both sexes, pirates and gentleman deep in their cups to look out over the noisy crowd below, laughing, calling to friends and trading gossip.

    [Second paragraph not quite right. Would like to get more of it out of the passive voice.}

    This is a big expository lump. Hope something happens soon.

  • Anon
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Fantastic.

    I am reminising of Lynotts Bar, Bunnacurry, Achill Island, County Mayo.

    Source(s): Google it.
  • 8 years ago

    Unless the narrative is going to spend a lot of time here, I would be tempted to trim it a bit in editing, but yeah, that's pretty good.

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