Need opinions on a serious situation between my daughter and my step son?

Question

My daughter is 4 and my step son is about to be 7. He is adhd and is in counseling. His biggest problem is that he has the touchy feely problem with my daughter. The psychologist said its his impulses and he acts before he thinks, but here is the real question i need answered should my 4 year old daughter be in trouble if shes playing in her room and he touches her and she doesnt come and tell me or his mom? His mom always seems to aim all the blame at her and none towards her son. But i think shes scared to tell because she thinks shell be in trouble anyway. His mom says well its her fault because she let him do it. How is that fair when he shouldnt be doing it in the first place?

Update:

First they werent alone it was right in clean sight. And my fiance (not wide) wouldn't allow me to even try to explain a situation because all she wants to do is put all the blame on my daughter as if her son has no problems what so ever. I mention something and it becomes a fight.

craftychick745 · Accepted Answer

No!! She shouldn't be in trouble, she's 4! She doesn't totally understand what's going on, and you can't expect her to come tell you something she doesn't understand herself. It isn't her fault because she let him do it. That's just insane--her age makes her less informed about what's actually happening and she doesn't have the reasoning as a 4-year-old to realize she's being sexually abused and should tell daddy. If your fiancé doesn't accept responsibility for her son's actions, honestly, you should leave her. You need to put your daughter's needs above your own and if you leave her in this situation, she will more than likely be sexually abused like this and possibly raped for her entire childhood.

Victims of sex crimes almost always blame themselves and grow up feeling incredibly guilty, broken, and ashamed. Your fiancé blaming your daughter will only add on to that and reinforce that belief in her mind. It also is bad for the son, as it teaches him at a young age that it's okay to do things like that to women without permission and that the woman is always at fault. So many sexual abusers think this way, and it isn't right. He's the one who made the decision to molest a girl, and he should be held responsible.

SoDramatic · Answer

You are setting  your daughter up to be molested by this boy. If you know what he has done, I think all of the parents should be in trouble for leaving the kids alone knowing what could happen. The girl should not be in trouble but you need to make her feel comfortable talking to you. Make her know that she will not be in trouble. You are neglecting too properly protect her if you keep allowing this to happen. As for his mom, she sounds like an idiot.

desmeran · Answer

if by "touch" you mean just "touch", it's not a problem unless it bothers her, so yes, i'd be working on teaching her to advocate for herself.

if by touch you mean "touch inappropriately," i cannot imagine why a parent who knew a troubled step-son was prone to molesting or otherwise sexually harrassing his sister would be allowing them to be alone together in the first place, so i'd say the fault is on the parent.

*if adults were watching them, why would the four-year-old have to go tell anybody?

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Need opinions on a serious situation between my daughter and my step son?

3 Answers