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?
Lv 7
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 8 years ago

Will you walk in, read and c.c. "Shower Curtain" an overnight stay on way home?

Thanks, Thomas

________________________________________________________________

Shower Curtain

I am a pharmaceutical drug rep out of Kansas City, Missouri

My territory takes me as far north as Fargo, North Dakota

Have options to fly or drive; most the time, I love to drive,

I adore the scenery, terrain and beauty of Mother earth

Passion for sight seeing in small towns and quaint motels

Ones of age, character, presence, history and spirit lifting

I am a female, but not your stereotypical one; am independent

Take care of myself, and can put a guy down in more ways than..

Flip the coin though as the girlie side comes out, looking pretty

Been at this since college for five years now and love the travel

Left Fargo, North Dakota yesterday mid afternoon, sun in play

Planned only 3 hour drive to stop at a small town called Watertown

Made reservations, on the Internet, a lovely place; Bates Motel

Arrived right at eventide, time to get settled, go for short walk

Then back to shower, get my pj's on, read or take in some veg TV

Tomorrow, up early. eight hour trolley to Kansas City, here I come

Stopped my car at the lobby and went to check in this motor lodge

A charming middle aged man greeted me “Welcome to Bates Motel”

We exchanged pleasantries, signed in, gave me the key, off I swayed

Room A-1. No relax yet; time to take in the ambiance of this area

Changed into something comfy; going for a stroll in Watertown USA

Love the veranda and wrap around porch to this sweet motor court

The walkway to what looks like Mr. Bates home looks dark, but majestic

After walking, I breathe in the atmosphere with delight; turn in girl

Back to A-!, a warm shower, it's Relax City; first turn on shewer faucet

I strip naked, notice the design on the shower curtain; red dots, lines

An otherwise twee room for an overnight; this bastion is torn and worn

Oh well, I step in, let the steamy droplets massage my neck and back...mmm

Woolgathering on that man, his name was Norman, retro look but cute

Then remember looking at the bare walls in this bath/shower; NO TOWELS

“Oh fiddlesticks girl” how could I have done this; KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

Oh that scared me. “Who is it?” I yelled as I turned shower off; I am done

“Mam, this is Norman Bates, am sorry I forgot to lay out the towels for you”

Oh, small city, he seems nice, and was cute, “Can you leave them on my bed”

“Yes Mam.” Door slowly unpicks, still creaking, tedious, opening, then quiet

Am hot, wet; heck, I can walk to the bed, prissy me...where is he?...is qui-et

That's right, he's so nice, must have left; better make sure of it just in case

“Mr. Bates....a....Norman, are you gone now? I need to get out of the shower”

Shower curtains fly open! In sheer horror, I see him, or her. What? A knife

Brandishes long sharp blade, made ready in descent with a downward thrust

….....Time to kill or be killed

….....Reacting, I grab thee __________

____________________________________________

Author's Note

The name of the motel and the motel

manager is obviously taken from one

of the most famous scary movies of

all time >> Psycho. The storyline idea

was taken in part from the movie but

the poem is mine. Whoever has seen

the movie knows what I am talking

about. Other than that, there is no

connection to the movie, just in case

a Part II was ever written to this

story/poem what have you.

“Psycho” is a Alfred Hitchcock thriller

that was released September 8, 1960.

______________________________________________________________________

Update:

Thanks for the answers so far....really good stuff to learn from. Seems what I am getting here is that I wrote a decent piece, but two things missing: 1. I waited too long to drop the scary part on you, and I agree; I spent too much time about her and setting up the bloody part. 2. Not enough descriptive imagery to manifest a frightening piece. There, I though I could do so by leading you on with her talk, and set up a feeling something is about to happen.

Update 2:

I can see why this does not deserve the stars either, so, I get it. I left the last stanza open in the event I bring this back at a later date and conclude this. In my piece, Norman does not necessarily succeed. :) Thomas

_________________________________________________________________________________

Update 3:

Jupiter Joanne: Thanks for your answer. There are no similarities in my story and the original, with the exception of the shower incident, as Norman was dressed up as a woman and brandished a knife at her. In the movie he murdered the woman. Here, we do not know how this ended. If folks want to know, speak up...lol. Thomas

Update 4:

Gene Bourne: Wonderful answer sir. You added some facts I was not aware of that even give my poem some sapidity and am glad I wrote it. Not sure how I would have ended this???

All other answers are very good. Thanks poets and friends. Thomas Bri......Go TCU...

12 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes I have seen a black and white of the original, and Hitchcock was a master in the genre, hardly emulated today. The references however did not detract from the prose poem form.

    Janet Leigh opened the door in the genre.

  • Nat
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    I like the way you construct this prose, just

    as Hitchcock would have done in his landmark film.

    In perspective, up until "Psycho", there had

    been no true "shocker" film made, edited in this fashion.

    Also having the star of the film murdered in the first

    15 minutes was unheard of (Janet Leigh was one of

    the biggest stars in 1960).

    This is a masterful example of how Hitchcock threw his audience off guard.

    Hitchcock once quipped, It took almost as long to film

    and edit the almost 100 separate pieces of film together

    for the shower scene than it did to make the rest of the film.

    During the final "harming a fly" fade-out that ended the film

    Anthony Perkins face terms to a skeleton the last few frames.

    Film composer Bernard Hermann's "screaming violins" background

    music for the shower scene was one of the film's many "firsts" and

    has since been copied over and over.

    Very creative way you lead your story into this, Bri,

    (mirroring the way Hitchcock would have written this).

    Bravo in the cleverness of your juxtaposition.

  • 8 years ago

    Is that how it was written in a book, if it was a book originally?

    Ever since I first saw the movie, I can picture a similar, where Norman has a flash camera rather than a knife, and snaps pictures of her in the shower.

  • 8 years ago

    It'sso Freudian. I hat Mother Bates!

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  • ?
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    This is a well written piece, but if meant to scare didn't induce any fear in me. waited too long for the fear, didn't create an atmosphere of ominous dark clouds with rains made of a razor blades love. The blood is still stuck in my throat choking me slowly as i wanted to imagine the same ill fate manifest in her.

  • 8 years ago

    If only Norman had slipped and said "I'm sorry I forgot to lay out the knife for you" But he was so meticulous, and as we all know he wouldn't hurt a fly(because of corpse they don't take showers) otherwise it would be fly souffle! Thomas, nice job keeping his/her memory alive, one of the all time evil ones of filmdom. I enjoyed the write and your title was spot on(maybe that's the wrong wording) it was very good.------william

  • 8 years ago

    Psycho is probably one of the scariest films I have ever seen. You didn't need to see the gore to understand what was going on. The imagination was in overload and the music did the rest. My mum and dad had gone out for the evening and both myself and my younger sister were too scared to go up to bed after watching it. We waited up for them to come back.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Ah so glad you posted this it shows what a diversity you have in your writing style. I was stimulated but a little frightened by the poem. I think it shows how closely you have watched and gathered the information to create this piece.

  • ?
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    It is well-written, by the theme is so well-known. I knew from the first phrase what was going to happen.

    I should clarify this. I meant the first phrase, "I am a female," of the 2nd stanza. I would have preferred, "I am a woman," because "female" should, in my opinion, be used for non-human animals.

  • 8 years ago

    'O God , you're scaring me Bri .. The one movie I don't like is 'Psycho ' If I'm in the shower and my imagination starts to run away with me I get out quickly Good story .. :)

  • ?
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    One of the scariest movies ever made.Haha,reminds me of my Dad,Old sawed off Pete,who put on a wig and Mom s bathrobe and scared the crap out of me with a large kitchen knife while I was taking a shower...complete with those strange notes as sound effects of terror...Cree Cree Cree!!!

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