Seniors, Do you know anyone who just won't let go of their past, blame parents for everything?

Marilyn, you don't have to defend your parents. They're long gone. Tell your sister than when she became an adult, it became her responsibility and choice to decide how much of a life she wanted and what kind of life she would choose for herself. Everyone may feel they have missed opportunities, but after they reach adulthood, their parents are not to blame for "holding them back". If your sister is resentful and bitter, there is nothing you can personally do change her. She is wasting her time and life by ruminating about things she could have changed for herself. If that sounds harsh, it may take that to "shake up" her illogical thinking. If you don't want to confront her about it, then simply tell her you don't want to hear anything else about it. When she starts, remind her that you had said you wouldn't discuss the subject with her and change the subject. If she persists, then get up and walk away. Several sessions of that might make her realize you're serious. The reason I can say this is that I wanted to be a medical missionary. (I had a pen pal who was in fact a dr. in Africa, and I wanted to do what she did to help people). I had met a boy who wanted to work for the World Health Organization, we fell in love, and we wanted to travel the world and help those in undeveloped countries. My father wouldn't hear of such a horrible thing. He was determined that I become a school teacher, because that was the only decent thing women did in those days. (Even nurses, who looked at naked bodies, were suspect in his eyes). Anyway, he broke up our relationship, tried to get the boy's father fired from his job, refused to let me live in the dormitory at college and kept me at home so he could watch me closely. He kept me totally under his thumb until I was 21. It was back in the days when parents could do that. As soon as I could, I graduated and left home and never went back. I didn't have the money to go to medical school, so I became a psychologist instead. I worked with people who had brain injuries and developmental problems, so in a way, I felt that I was still helping the unfortunate. At some point, I realized that my father suffered from a form of mental illness with his vindictiveness and possessiveness. After 50 years, I connected with the boy I had planned to marry and "save the world" through Classmates.com. We had both married other people, had children and grandchildren, and I was glad to know that his life had turned out well. He did, in fact, work for the WHO, and still travels and teaches about diseases in Third World countries. While I didn't do what I planned to do, I found a substitute that was meaningful. If your sister let the world pass her by and failed to do anything with her life, she has no one to blame but herself. You can't save her from herself, either.

I do know people who think like this and blame all and sundry

for their own under achievement.

My attitude is that my parents always tried to guide me and

lead me along the correct road. If I took the wrong turning

and made a poor decision, it could only be my fault, for

not acting on good advice, or my own youthful stubbornness.

Now as an older person, after 60+ years of life, I can reflect

on the fact that a lot of my decisions were good one's and

if anything turned out wrong, there was/is only oneself to

blame.

We are to a great extent in control of our destiny and it is

up to us to walk the walk.

Hi Marilyn, defending your parents won't help - and it is likely that you are the last one that your sibling might take advice from - some people are just like that. They feel a need to blame thier shortcomings on others, not realizing that we all have obstacles - they are usally a bit self centered...

I had one friend who always did that - she was a brilliant brain researcher and became a trauma secialist - - but she could this or that... she killed herself at age 55...

I know many people who blame everything and everyone for anything that is wrong in their life. Also I'll bet that many people get a divorce in mid life because at the time they feel as if their spouse held them back from their goals in life and kept them from going places and doing things they truly wanted to do. Most of us realize that if we really wanted to do these things we would have found some way to do it, such as take a 2nd job to earn extra money for a trip to Hawaii, or maybe transfer through their employment so that they can experience living in different areas and knowing different people. I haven't traveled as much as I wanted to, however I moved my small family from So CA to Klamath Falls, OR just to fulfill one of my hippy dreams of living in the country, we spent 5 years there and had to leave when no more jobs were available, we moved to Portland, OR and now have lived here for over 23 years. Portland is better for me, more culture, nicer people, cleaner air than CA (highways are cleaner too). LA was way too big, too fast, and seems a little frantic compared to Portland. Maybe she should try to be more adventurous in her life and take a few risks. Now is the time to fulfill our own wishes and desires.No one else is responsible for our lifestyle, it has always been up to us to fulfill our dreams . If she could only realize she can just picture what she wants, then just GO FOR IT

I hate to say it but my mum tends to do that. But not about her parents. About my dad, her husband. He died in 2001 and she still berates him.

I understand where my mum is coming from though. She suffers from depression, bordering on paranoia. This is a result of untreated mild autism - Aspergers. You see my mums dad (they came to Australia in the 1920 as a young family from Croatia) suffered depression since he was working in what was then bush helping to build a railroad. In the heat he became lost from his team when he went to the toilet. He was found a day later delirious and severely dehydrated and taken to hospital. This episode brought shame to my mothers family, at least that it how my nana viewed it. My mum being the second youngest and having difficulty working out her own emotions let alone her mum or dads, grew to resent her dad. He eventually left his wife and several children and went back to Croatia. My mother never forgave him. She transferred her feelings for her father to my mine - her husband.

While my mum may have flaws, but she means well. She refuses medication for her depression as thinks it is poison, however she has recently about a year ago sought counselling from a psychologist.

My dad was a good man, a great dad, a mastercraftman - he received a awards for his work in the building industry and he could fix anything. I miss him terribly.

I've met/known them, will listen to their tale of woe just once.

After that they can put a lid on it or move on to the next ear to panhandle.

Life is too short to waste on people (or relatives) with excuses for their failures and bad behavior.

In my opinion these people are losers, they tend to blame other folk for everything, instead org getting off their butts, and trying! to alter things!....