How do you deal with an 8 year old thief and liar?

First of all, I want to say that you're WONDERFUL to adopt your grandson. He's had a lot of difficulty in his young life already, and you are offering him a hope at a normal and happier life. Bless you! Since he's faced many challenges already in his life with his parents, you may come to find that parenting him as you did your children before will not work this time. In fact, you've probably already discovered that. It's not you, so be encouraged! Children who've been abused, neglected, or traumatized during the early stages of life have to learn how to connect with adoptive parents through a process of mentoring and special care. There's hope though, so don't be discouraged. It just takes dedication, perseverance, and hard work on your part. This is especially true in the area of discipline. Traditional “spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child” discipline can be counter-productive with kids who were taken from bad homes. These kids are often handicapped with developmental delays like you've already described (stemming from impairments, deep shame, lingering trauma, etc). These kids respond far better to positive, constructive forms of discipline where you and he form a team in the "quest" to learn new coping strategies. His old coping strategies need to be replaced with new good ones now that he's in a stable home. You can learn more about research done on this at the link below - there are videos to give you an idea of what they're talking about on the website. I also have a copy of the book "The Connected Child" by Dr Karyn Purvis, which is excellent in helping you learn to teach your grandson. I hope this is helpful. Hugs and blessings to you!

You need to help him clearly distinguish right from wrong. If he lies or steals, make a big deal out if it. Tell him how disappointed you are and take away one of his privileges. You could get a big sweet jar (hide it or put it on a high shelf) and whenever he's done something right or has been good then allow him a sweet. It will take time but he should learn eventually. Good luck :)

Don't speak ill of his birth parents. Compassionately talk to him about right and wrong and help him find is own internal moral compass. Certainly it's relative, but help him to reason through what is "good" and what is "not good" and reward him accordingly and lovingly.

Bring him to the police station so they can have a chat about what happens to thieves. You can be the one to talk to him about honesty. Make up some stories about people who lie and what the consequences are.