Am I wrong (or even selfish) for thinking I should have gotten something?

At the risk of being odd man out here, and with all due respect to your mother, I think she was rather cheap in belatedly lumping the Pollyanna gift onto your earlier combined 40th birthday and Hanukkah gift.

It's much more a matter of principle than it is simply money. Combining your Hanukkah and birthday gift is understandable, considering the cost of the iPhone she gave you. However, Elfster is an entirely different thing altogether, and it was only by sheer chance that your mother happened to draw your name. Yet, instead of buying you the pollyanna gift one is supposed to buy for the person they draw -- the "rules" by which every other member of the family, including you, abided by -- your mother unexpectedly simply tacked it on to the combined birthday and Hanukkah gift she had already given you. Have I got this right? If so.......wow.

So, I don't think you're being "selfish" so much as your mother was just plain cheap. She took advantage of drawing your name by sheer chance to, in essence, bow out of her Elfster obligation altogether. What's the point of having Elfster at all, if people just say to the person they draw, "I already gave you a Hanukkah gift, so consider that my Elfster gift as well." As long as your mother evidently isn't opposed to breaking the "rules" of Elfster, it would have been better for her to quietly trade your drawn name with another family member rather than just blow off her Elfster obligations altogether.

I expect little or nothing for my birthday or for Christmas.

I am English but live in Germany so I hardly see my relatives anyway.

Then again I rarely give anything also, but when I do it is a huge present.

Like I pass on an inheritance to my family rather than keep it, to make up for all the presents I haven't bought. In the last 25 years I've given away well over ten thousand dollars which I inherited from a grandfather, a grandmother and an uncle.

The problem is my family often forget this and think that I'm being tight because I don't buy presents for everyone every year.

I try to phone everyone and wish them a happy birthday personally, but sometimes I can't get through because they are partying.

I don't like birthday cards either, I've always found them to be absurd and ridiculously expensive for a piece of cardboard, which in any event is written in German !

I have no children of my own but my German girlfriend of 13 years has six. Consequently I have known these children for more than half of their lives, more like a father.

My own three sisters have loads of children and so many grandchildren, if I bought them all presents every year I'd have very little time left over and I'd also be broke.

That is WHY I gave my sisters my inheritance to share round.

But NONE of them passed any on to their offspring !

And none of my family has ever considered giving presents to MY girlfriend's children.

You should be grateful you got anything at all.

Had your family given you several smaller less expensive presents, would that have fulfilled your wishes better ?

No ..... It makes no difference !

So think of the billions who don't even have food to eat and stop being so selfish.

You are actually being selfish. You should still be thankful. Maybe she didn't had enough money to buy you another gift. Remember you gift is worth more then $50. Be thankful you have something. Forget about the others of what they have. Enjoy and be thankful for what you have. Their is kids that wish to at least have a toy or food or even spend it with their family, and can't have any of that. You need to remember that their is others with worst problems then yours. Don't feel down be thankful for what you have and enjoy it. Cause this life isn't for granted.

Poke', I think you are wrong/selfish. I think you should be grateful for what you got. Greed is a Deadly Sin and not at all flattering for a 40-year-old woman to display. I think most folk get over being "hurt" about gifting at about 15. That is what I think.