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How can I make myself fall in love with someone again?
Say you fall in love with someone, share your life with them, trust them, give of yourself to make them happy. But that person hurts you badly, over and over, makes you feel like trash, makes you feel utterly alone until your heart finally can't take it and completely shuts off to them, and your trust utterly disappears. You've married this person, have a family with them, and don't want all of that to be destroyed, but find yourself powerless to do anything but wait on your spouse to want things to change. And finally, when you think things are hopeless, she initiates dialog on the issue, and in a civil tone for once, and is seemingly contrite and apologetic. I want to put things back together again. I still love and care about her. But the feelings, the affection, the attraction, the chemistry... it's all gone for me. I want to fall IN love with her again. I want to want to be with her. How can I accomplish this?
Counseling, by the way, is not an option for a myriad of reasons.
Reasons counseling is not an option start with the fact that we cannot begin to afford it, continue with the fact that our options for counseling in our rural area are extremely limited, and further expand with the fact that we have had counseling before, and it was a horrible waste of time and money. Having someone impose their arbitary prejudices on our marriage did us no good before, and I have zero faith that it will now. I'm more than happy to listen to other people's advice or experiences, I'm not some prideful person who can't take input or criticism. But counselors tend to be far more intrusive, pushy, and overbearing than a giver of advice or spouter of criticism. And with my hours now being cut at work, it is hopelessly out of the budget. And last time, she was very open to counseling. I think she felt awfully satisfied by the results, whereas I felt about 6 inches tall by the time it was over with.
I'm not sure what is meant by, "you allowed her to
4 Answers
- BAMLv 77 years agoFavorite Answer
I just went through this, but it was my wife who fell out of love with me and then had an emotional affair that she couldn't shake. We have been divorced for 10 months and have two young kids.
My wife never seemed to be trying to repair things even when she said she was. She seemed passive and like she was only going through the motions. I'm told by others that once you lose that connection...that spark...that it is very difficult to get back.
First of all, this isn't all her fault. You allowed her to treat you badly for an extended period of time and let it get to where it is today. You should have spoke up and forced changes long ago. Same with my wife.
I think you need to really forgive her, first. Get rid of any resentments. Then, you need to Get to know each other again and reconnect at a deep emotional level. Take a vacation. Talk about your goals and actively work towards them. I wouldn't worry about sex right now. Just try to get in sync. Talk a lot.
- TinaLv 77 years ago
Why would you want to be with someone that treats you badly? She just about took your soul fom you and you stii want to love her. She probably killed your self-esteem. I understand that you still love her. But, she will ruin your life. She destroyed everything that you felt for her. You may never be able to gain that back. Your wife needs to understand the damage that she did to the marriage. If she does not get the help that she needs, then you you'll never come close to getting what you once had with her. I bet you anything that if you told her that you would like to get the help that you to save your marriage she would probably tell you that there is nothing wrong with her.
***if you say that counselling is not an option, then your marriage does not stand a chance. ***
You won't be able to feel what you once felt because your wife killed everything that you felt for her.
And you can't force you to feel what you once felt for her.
You need to understand that once something is gone, then it's gone.
- Anonymous7 years ago
If you love her you will find a way. Did you do something to hurt her and that's why she began to behave like that towards you? Was she a lovely person before? Is she always bad to you? Has she ever forgiven you for a mistake? Then forgive her for hers. Hurt people hurt people but with enough courage you can fall back in love with her. She may be more open to counselling than you think. Ask her.