Adoption experiences (preferably Christian)/opinions on my situation?

You are quite cold-blooded for a "Christian". Well, the "unbeliever" as you call him also has rights to the child and in any case you will need his consent if you want to hand you little bundle of joy to strangers or to a life in foster care if the child turns out to be difficult-to-place.

If the father wants the child, give the kid to him to raise. The child is better of with his own blood than with strangers.

Abortion (the best solution in your case and you are not such a good Christian that you abstain from pre-marital sex, so why not go all the way?) is still possible but you must act asap, or it will soon be too late.

Keep away from unbelievers, just date real hypocritical Christians. They are a better fit.

First of all, let me just say Kudos to you. I don't care what nationality, creed, race, or religion you are, if you feel that you are not ready to be a parent, then you are considering the right decision. To say that a child wouldn't get adopted just because of it's color isn't exactly true. My husband and I were offered a black child and jumped on the chance. No matter color, creed, race, or religion, it's still a baby/child, that needs to be loved and cared for. We were willing to give this child a good, loving, nurturing home. The adoption never actually happened, as she lost the baby shortly after we found out about it. The point is, don't let anyone "tell" you what you "should" or "need" to do. You do whatever you feel is best for you, your unborn child, and your situation. Yes, you will have to have the biological fathers consent to go through with the adoption, but even if he fought, the circumstances that he himself is in is not favorable for raising a child and the courts would look at that. He would have the chance, possibly, up until the baby is born to get himself together and prove that he would be suitable, but he would have to show that beyond a reasonable doubt that he could provide a good home for the child. All I can say is, don't be hasty about your situation. Make sure you consider all possibilities and really do some "soul searching." I hope you reach the answers you're looking for. May God bless you in your decisions. Good luck in the future.

What you can do is contact an adoption attorney who will advocate for you. Their services will not cost you anything; should you decide to pursue an adoption plan, the adoptive parents will pay for your counsel. Should you decide NOT to pursue an adoption plan, then their services still will not cost you anything from what I understand.

I'm not sure why CoolstoryBRA felt the need to disseminate even more misinformation on the internet-while it is true that black, male children are the least likely to be adopted, she is SPECIFICALLY referencing foster care, where parents are generally INvoluntarily removed of their parental obligations, and the children are older and are victims of significant abuse and/or neglect of all kinds. Thus, that statistic does not apply to you and YOUR baby.

Now, the father of the baby does have rights, and your attorney can let you know what those rights are. He also, however, will have OBLIGATIONS. Look into your state laws to find out what those obligations are, and ask your attorney to explain what a "legal risk" adoption is. This link may help you (and no, I don't think you're a "dummy"; it happens to do a good job explaining it, is all):

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/adoption-fac...

I am pro-adoption, but I also understand, and you should, too, that you can experience intense feelings of grief, loss, sadness, and regret should you choose to make an adoption plan. We have adopted domestically from birth, and are in an open adoption agreement, BUT: those aren't enforceable. You will be taking a chance on the parents you select in that if you do want some degree of contact, that they can change their minds about that after placement, so choose wisely. Ask questions. Trust your gut feelings, and do NOT be afraid to change your mind, not only about them, but about placing for adoption in the first place.

If you want to email me, please feel free to. I have NO interest in adopting another child, and thus don't have a horse in the race. If anyone here contacts you wanting to make an "arrangement" with you, please refer them to the attorney that I hope you retain in the very near future. There are very specific and stringent requirements for people to adopt in the U.S. and many would-be adopters have not completed even the most basic of them.

To adopt the child out you have to have the fathers consent if there is one named on the birth certificate, otherwise you have to put an ad in your local paper letting everyone know about the baby so the father can step up and claim the child... if he doesn't you may THEN put the child up for adoption without him.

If your not ready to be a mother then there are MANY women who either can't have children or have chosen to adopt a child and they would be loving mothers to your child.

I'm actually struggling with the possibility of being infertile, I have had two miscarriages and I'm in my early twenties like you. My husband and I are ready to become parents though =)

There are many potential adoptive parents out there that would LIKE an open adoption! An open adoption has benefits! You and the child can see each other, they can ask you about health risks, and your child can know its bio family! The biggest downsides I could see to an open adoption would be a biological mother or father over stepping boundaries or trying to turn the child against adoptive parents, or kidnap the child... They have ALL happened!

If you give the child up for adoption then you don't get a say in how your child is raised, his/her name, etc. I think that is what is important to understand. You will still be a mother of the child, since you gave birth to it, however the adoptive mother will be mommy #1 because she takes care of him/her, rocks them to sleep, cuddles with them, changes the diapers, feeds them. You both deserve respect and you need to find a family that you agree on parenting styles and that you have things in common with.

You state your a christian so you probably wouldn't want to adopt your baby out to me (agnostic) but would probably rather find a family that shares your religion.

If you do a google search of couples trying to adopt in your area you will probably find SEVERAL web sites and pages. More and more couples seeking to adopt are turning to the internet to share their stories and try to connect with birth mothers. This way you can meet them, vet them out, etc.

1.Unlike a child who has lost his or her parents through death they are not allowed to grieve. Adoptees are expected to be grateful for the family they now have. The public perceives it as disrespectful to the adoptive family and is discouraged.

2.Adopted people are viewed to have had a better life. Some adoptees do get a nice, stable home but it comes along with the trauma and grief of losing their original family. Statistically adopted children are at an increased risk of child abuse and later in life drug and alcohol abuse.

3.Adopted people have their records sealed and are unable to open them in most states. Not all adoption agencies reported the correct facts or passed on information. Many adoptees that were able to reunite with their biological families found that they had never received updates, photos and letters given to the agency. They also found their reason given for surrender was incorrect and also things like cultural heritage, family medical history and siblings.

4.Adopted people can never go home. There is a misconception that at 18 a child can do what they want and be a part of both families. Most adopted people are a part of two families, but are neither fully a part of either.

5.Adopted people experience genetic bewilderment and the lack of mirroring. Being able to see how tall you will be or how your body is shaping through puberty is more than a mere curiosity. It is essential to being able to transition from child to adult.

6.Denial of information regarding ancestors. The adopted person wonders not just who gave birth to them , but if they are related to someone famous or have an inherited trait or skill. Adoptees wonder what jobs they should have and think about the legacy they want to leave behind for their own descendants.

7.Birthdays are triggering for adopted people. Most people whether they were a planned pregnancy or not are visited in the hospital by family. Photos are taken at birth and the first bonding begins between mother and child. For most adopted people their birth was a sad occasion with decisions made for them that not only affect their adolescence, but the rest of their lives.

8.Children adopted internationally are sometimes the victims of coercion or kidnapping. They are not only losing their family heritage but an entire culture and way of life.

9.Adopted people are used in pro-life arguments. They are seen as poster children for anti-abortion groups. it would be wrong to assume that every one of those relinquishments actually averted an abortion. Many women placing their baby for adoption may never have considered abortion in the first place. Adoption rates almost always include foster care from children removed from abuse or neglect that were never candidates for abortion.

10.When having their own children, adoptees often relive the trauma of their adoption. They realize how vulnerable they were and how much they love the child they have brought into the world. It is hard to imagine how someone could give the most precious thing in the world away because of their current financial situation. It is then that many adoptees feel the loss of adoption. It overshadows what should otherwise be a joyous time in their lives.

11.The lack of birth family connection can be a strain during childhood. Much like those who have a loved one who is presumed missing or dead the adopted person thinks of them often. Sometimes it can become an obsession and disrupt their lives.

12.Adopted people because of the stigma and shame of the history adoption have self esteem problems. Just growing up away from where they belong and not having the most basic things like being told how much they look like their sibling, parent or other family member can be an emotional strain. while the adoptive parents and children feel as though they are a family, other extended family or the public may not feel the same about their family bonds.

13. One is not simply adopted on one day or date. Being adopted is a life long part of the adoptees identity and can carry onto their own offspring. Every time the adopted person looks in the mirror or at their own children it is a constant reminder of their true origins. When the adoptee is watching a news story about breast or prostate cancer or reads a new study on family history regarding heart disease they can not help but think of their birth families.

If you are a true Christian then you wouldn't consider rejecting and abandoning your baby. Real Christians look after their own and look after others as well without adoption coming into the equation. In the bible it clearly states that when we become a Christian we are adopted into God's family and when children were adopted it was truly for their own safety but their natural mothers were still a part of their lives. Adoption isn't about buying a baby because a person can or abandoning your child just because you are being selfish and thinking of yourself and not thinking about the best interests of your child. Babies don't need wealthy parents, they don't need the most expensive food, they don't need designer clothes, they don't need to live in a big, fancy, expensive home they need their mothers.

I am a Christian who made fell pregnant as an engaged woman instead of waiting till I married. My fiance and I split before I knew I was pregnant but it never occurred to me to abandon and reject my son. Right from the start I knew I wanted to be a mother so adoption never crossed my mind and I was pro-life so abortion wasn't an option. I had a job and knew I could cope financially even though I didn't have a high wage. Instead my so called Christian mother and my dad decided my son was going to be adopted ~ my dad isn't a Christian. They contacted a so called Christian adoption agency who also played a part in using extreme coercive tactics to get me to lose my son to adoption to a so called christian couple. If my mum and the adoption agency had been real Christians they would have supported my choice to be a mother. Incidentally my son's adopters aren't Christians and had they known I wanted to raise my son they would have supported my choice. So yes I do speak from experience.

You can't guarantee your child will have a better and probably be just different, it could be far worse. There are adopters who have abused their children.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2416514/Ha...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2316437/Mo...

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/03/27/us/texas-russian...

The father of your child has to agree to your child being adopted because fathers have rights once their babies are born. Your baby's father can apply for full custody which means you will be liable to pay child support.

Your situation is temporary adoption is forever.

You may change your mind and be a mother once your baby has been born.

If you are determined that you don't want to be a mother and you don't want the father of your baby to be a father then abort.

Don't make a final decision until after your baby is born as babies are snapped up anyway and demand far exceeds supply.

I am not an adopter or an adoptee but as a black woman (as your avatar indicates?) like you I do know the statistics reguarding black babies. Black, male children are the least likely to get readily adopted, followed by black female children, then mixed (B&W) children, Hispanics, Asians- and at the very top is healthy white children. That's the reality of the situation. If you're looking to put your child up for adoption the best thing to do would be to get the help of an agency that specializes in the placement of black children. Good luck and God bless :)