I am contemplating suicide & need help?

Hi Bri,

Let me start off by saying a few things. 1) Happy Birthday!!! 2) IAmScardyCat offered you some great advice, I am merely going to try and build off of what they have already said to you. 3) I normally will click on questions like this and give a copy/pasted response that includes the number of a suicide prevention hotline, but you really took time to type out your problems (most only are a few lines) and you seem to genuinely want to change your life.

1) Liquidate everything you can that you own. If you have a nice car with a big car payment, get rid of this. Invest in a smaller car with a smaller car payment. Do this quickly because your credit may be damaged because of your financial situation. If you have any expensive electronics, any jewelry you aren't too attached too, any nice purses, ANYthing you can sell- sell it. Try this through ebay or Amazon or even Craigslist (Just be VERY careful on CL). There are websites that also will pay a good amount for designer clothes that are relatively new and in good condition. If you can't get rid of your belongings, you may want to check out a pawn shop, but they will pay you basically nothing for what you have. You need to make as much money as you can and reduce the amount of belongings you have to move with you. You said you spend all your savings, if any of this was on tangible goods, try to return them. You need the money to pay rent for a month. Talk to your landlord, try to work something out, worst case scenario, go to Social Services, just walk in and say you are almost homeless and you need help to pay one month's rent. Only say one month. I know in the state I live in SS with help in some cases, I don't know the specifics though. While you are there, check for any services you can apply for. You might be eligible for emergency food stamps for instance.

2) Get ready to move. You need to leave NYC. It is a very expensive place to live, and when you have to start doing certain things to pay rent, you need to change your lifestyle. If you can avoid it, don't go back to your Aunt's house. I can't tell you where to move, I know very little about you, but if there are places you have lived before and miss, or a place where you have a good friend, or even a place you fancy that isn't very expensive, look there. I can give you a few suggestions. Look for small/medium sized CITIES (not towns). For instance, I live in a smallish city, there is a full-time population of about 90,000 and there is a college, dentistry school, and medical school here. So, add another 25,000 when school is in. Also, look for a COLLEGE town. There will be an abundance of apartment buildings in these areas, keeping prices low and options good. Also, you may have to move in with a roommate at first, and there are TONS of people looking for roommates in college towns. I would also suggest you move more south. The south is relatively cheap. There is a very low expense for the cost of living compared to the North, now your wages may be lower, but you will still come out ahead in the ratio between pay:expenses. I'd do recommend Florida or Texas, and I'm also not talking about DEEP south. Look into Tennessee, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina (avoid Charleston- very expensive to live in). Google the top 10 or top 15 largest cities in each of these states, start looking at number 7 and down, then google these specifically to find out if there is a college and what the cost of living is in this area.

3) You are suffering from PTSD and depression. Both of these can easily be treated with medication and therapy. Since you are a little strapped for cash right now, make an appointment at a free or low cost clinic to speak to a doctor, or call around and look for a free or low cost mental health office (Look up state mental health services), Borrow someone's phone, use google voice, use a pay phone, or if none of these are options, use the link on my profile page to email me your name and other relevant information and the phone number of the place. I will call for you and get back to you about when your appointment is. If you cannot do therapy, PLEASE seek medication. Also, check online, there are many online support groups that can help. The first link I have in my sources is a website for depression support group online, the second link is a PTSD online support group. I believe both are free.

4) You have to let your Aunt and Brother go. That sounds harsh, but they honestly seem like (your brother especially) they just use you. Keep in contact with your Aunt with phone calls on major holidays or emails, but you are inviting more pain into your life each time your reach out to these people and they let you down. First, you have to work on you, then you can work on them. If you don't have any friends close by, again turn online. Perhaps someone in your online support groups, IAmScardyCat gave you their email, and I'll add my personal email in my sources, even if you just want to tell me about your day, you need to learn to socialize again correctly. I encourage you to email anyone up here who gives you their email address, Skype with them, if you guys become friends, even call them when your phone is on. Nothing against men, but right now you need to mainly look for female friends. Men have been using you lately, and this could contribute to your PTSD. Again, there are perfectly wonderful men out there, but unless you meet one and they only want you for friendship, stick to the ladies! You haven't been living a "normal" life so you really do need to re-socialize yourself, and starting online is a good first step, this will eventually transfer into you having more friends around you that aren't online.

5) Get prepared to eventually go back to college. If you want a decent life you have to get a decent education. You will need to fill out a FAFSA to apply for student loans and grants. This is premature but keep it in the back of your mind. This is another reason to move to where a college is. You apply, get accepted, and then get student loans.

6) The third link is a website that offers a little bit of information about moving on after a breakup. I'd recommend a self help book, but if cash is an issue google your specific problem, look around, maybe you will be able to find a reliable pdf. If not a pdf, at least some websites that offer some advice. I've gone through some very severe breakups and there is no magic cure. You will grieve (sen if it was abad relationship) for as long as you need to. There are tips and coping mechanisms you can find online though.

7) Write down in a journal how you feel everyday, what you are doing, what ideas you have had, what compliments yo have received, what your dreams and hopes for the day are. If this is hard, start by writing down the things you did that day. Like: Today I went to the park. I called Social Services for an appointment. I got online and read. I ate a salad. I went for a jog. I sold my stereo. Eventually you will just automatically start to write down how these things made you feel and it will end up in healthy journal entries. Look into meditation and guided imagery. I can't explain how much guided imagery helps people. It is amazing, check at your library for CDs of guide imagery. Amazon have CDs for pretty inexpensive prices. Trust me, this will help.

8) Make your move, get out of there, develop a good relationship with yourself then with other people. You have to change everything now. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The third link I am putting in my sources is a link to website, that is for suicide prevention and depression, there is an option to chat to someone from their organization on the website, so you won't need a phone.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way and that you are going through those things. I can't say that i can relate to your situation completely, but i know what it's like feel kicked when you're already down. Sometimes you just need to know someone cares about you. There are people who do! Think about your cousins that you mentioned. You probably mean the world to them, just as they do to you. Your aunt loves you, but some people get so caught up in trying to "fix" someone who's problems are more obvious. On the other hand you should realize you are stronger and smarter for leaving your ex. You should be proud of that. Also, don't sell yourself. I understand it pays the bills but you are more than that and maybe you just need to downgrade to somewhere cheaper, or temporarily move back with family until you can get on your feet. I know it's easier said than done bit if there's will there's a way. I believe in you! And if you need to vent or talk i will listen.Good luck,Stay strong

You are clearly in distress right now and it is very brave of you to be reaching out for help. If you are contemplating suicide you should call a suicide prevention hot line or get yourself to a hospital. Do not pick a permanent solution to your temporary problems. You have to find some faith that things will get better as they almost always do. There is so much help available so please take advantage of any resources that are offered to you. If you would like to talk to a crisis counselor you can give a crisis hot line a call any time.

JS, Counselor

I'm very sorry Hun that your going thru all of this. I can relate to you about my little cousins too I feel like I have to protect them from a lot because there mother doesn't care for them or takes care of them and abuses them physically and mentally and there so young. I would try and find another job Hun, anything besides that! I know it's so terribly hard to quit something that pays you so much and helps u pay ur bills but honestly work 2 jobs if you can. Waitresses and bar tenders make a lot of money, u should do that or work in retail that pays commission and waitress. Who knows you might even meet a good enough man who will love and take care of you for you! Make a list of all the things you love about yourself, write down at least 10 and add on to it and look at it every morning and read it to urself in the mirror. For example 1 can be how ur a good role model for ur little cousins. Ur better than ur ex and ur better than killing urself. Pray to God too Hun , prayer helps alot!

I know that sometimes you might feel like that's all you can do, but DO NOT commit suicide. DON'T hurt yourself! If you wouldn't kill a little girl, who you've never met, then you shouldn't kill yourself. Harming people is bad- and YOU ARE A PERSON. You'd be taking a human life.

If you have any sort of degree in college, use it. Get a job, any job. Get a job at Subway! The nearest mall! Become a waitress! The more money you're making and the harder you're working, the more money you'll have and the less you'll need to learn by being an escort. You don't need to live that way and you're incredibly strong for doing that up until now. Any sort of job will keep your mind off things- but it's not healthy to keep the job you're working at now. Don't go tonight. Tell the jerk you've caught the stomach flu, or strep throat. That oughta keep him at a distance.

As for the food, that's most likely because of what I like to call 'The Break-up Effect'. You know how a lot of times after a break-up, a girl will eat a lot of food? Ice cream, chocolate, any sort of comfort food? That's because when the stress gets to be too much, you feel the need to let go. You do that by letting yourself over-indulge in food. You can counter-act that by exercising! That probably doesn't sound too fun. But, when you exercise, you'll lose weight and you'll feel better. The second part is because your body will release endorphins- a hormone that blocks pain signals. It may seem like a pain to work-out, but it'll be worth it. Also, speaking of break-ups, let me tell you that I applaud you for your decision to leave your ex. You're an incredibly strong person, and you made the right choice.

Your brother and Aunt need to know how you feel. Especially your Aunt. Tell her you have been feeling stuck for a long time. Ask her for advice. Tell her you need help and you don't know where to get it. Does she know about your job as an escort? If she doesn't... you might want to let her know you need help finding a new job. See if she'll help you look through the newspapers for job openings. Try and find small ways to bond with your family like this. You can fix your relationship with them.

As for your birthday, go over to see your little cousins. Make cupcakes and have fun with them. Tell them it's your birthday, ask if they want to celebrate with you. Once you get your life back on track, you'll have co-workers and friends to invite, too. See if your Aunt and Uncle wants to join in your mini-party too. You'll have fun! It'll be a family party. Put on music, dance around the house, eat candy, have fun. Also, let me be the first to tell you- Happy Early Birthday!

If you feel like you need to break down, or rant, or just talk to someone, you can email me if you'd like. criminalminds135@gmail.com is my email- you can email it whenever you want. Also, if you ever contemplate suicide again, there's a number I want you to call, once you turn your phone back on.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

It's a suicide prevention hotline. They'll listen and help you. If you can't pay your phone bill or are too scared to call, you can always email me. Stay strong!

I have never been in that situation but I do have friends who have been suicidal. I'm sure there are many people out there who do care about you and would miss you if you were gone. You're only 22! Still so young. You have so much to live for, trust me. Do something that makes you happy and look at all the positive things in your life!

Let's start by naming a few people you love or that love/care about you. Now let's think about what would happen if u left and what it would do to them. I've been here and it suck. But you have to remember, life will get better. I sad to even think you feel this way. If you need extra help, there's hotlines. I'm really jealous you live in NYC btw XD. But anyway your important. Everything will get better. Go to the clinic!! You have so much life ahead of you! Enjoy it!!

When aiming to manifest, lots of people focus too much on the outdoors form rather than the internal condition. Exactly what' vital is our internal experience: whether we pick to experience love or worry. When we commit to our internal experience of love we start to attract more love. Numerous people approach Manifestation from a location of "How can I get something to feel much better?" Rather, the focus should be: "How can I feel much better and for that reason be an energetic match for attracting more success into my life?"- and this is simply a part of exactly what you are be getting with this guide https://tr.im/lQqy0 , Manifestation Miracle works to make your life better without the preoccupation of tomorrow day.

Your intentions create your truth. There is no need to beat yourself up: merely recognizing how your low-level ideas negatively affect your life is the first powerful action toward changing your experiences. Begin this procedure you will accept the honesty concerning your low-level ideas, energy and feelings of shock block you from getting what you prefer. As soon as you get clear about the blocks, you can begin to clean them as much as clear area for favorable manifestations occur.

Ok......I don't even know what to say but this it dosent matter who you are what you look like nobody's perfect but NO ONE is Brocken or bad just think good you are wonderfull you are beautiful you are a joy to be here it's a privilege to have you on earth you can be enyone you can see eny thing please don't kill yourself think about what your doing I PROMISE things will get better just believe and hope will show you the path to happiness,joy,love,and faith :)