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He hates his mother. Is this a red flag?

I seem to keep dating men who either don't have a good relationship with their mother, have an estranged mother, or their mother is deceased and they are still grieving it. As a result they have a ton of issues and the relationships never get off the ground.

I just met a guy who told me on the phone that he hasn't spoken to his birth mother in years because every time they used to talk she would say something hurtful to him. When he would ask her to repeat it she would delete the hurtful part of her statement. He decided that he would have nothing to do with her. He said he joked when he was younger and he accidentally cut himself that he was trying to "bleed the Pollack out" because his birth mother is Polish. I told him Polish people wouldn't like that kind of statement. But he adores his stepmother who raised him since he was a toddler.

Red flag?

1 Answer

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I would say no, not red flag - because the birth mother isnt his "real" mother - in terms of relationships, He adores the woman who raised him, this means he loves the woman who had the mother role as he was growing up. Thats healthy. Its not strange to hear that he says things that sound racist - sometimes when dealing with pain, you blame the whole group instead of the individual. He will probably meet other Polish people who are lovely and let that go. I wouldn't worry about that. I feel sorry for him that his birth mother is so poisonous - he's doing the right thing keeping her at a safe distance. We all need to learn to cut poisonous people out of our lives!

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