Is it normal for social workers to privately interview your biological children for a home study?

Wow. My boys were never interviewed privately. We used a private agency foster-to-adopt special needs kids. Our state contracts with private adoption agencies and Bethany Christian Services to handle some special needs placements.(usually physical handicaps). The social worker interviewed the boys, but she asked us to be in the room next to them so we could hear.

I do not understand the how's and why's some people have no trouble getting foster kids and even adopting (when they really should not have qualified in the first place.) And other people just have drama with the agency. We were rejected for having safety issues in the home - toy cars on floor. Steps were not to code. We were accepted at a private agency, but that placement did not work. My son and DIL have tried for the last two years. They were fully rejected this month. They have lived the last ten years in a house on a school campus. All five agencies they applied at deem that they do not have "permanent housing" and cannot adopt. They are now looking at international (who oddly is OK with their housing arrangement).

Try other agencies. You might have some luck there.

Children already in the home are included in the home study process--- the proposed adoption will change their lives, and that of their family, forever. They deserve to have a say and a chance to ask their questions and voice any concerns.

That said, I think the questions you mention are crudely phrased and would make lots of kids uncomfortable. An agency would want to know how they feel about the proposed adoption, how they think it will affect them personally, how they see some of the basic dynamics in their family, that's about it.

I hope this makes sense to you. Adoption is based on the premise that children matter, and their feelings and thoughts matter, so how can they be excluded from the home study process?

A good social worker would have your children laughing, talking, having an enjoyable conversation, in which he/she would learn everything she needs to know from the "interview" with them. It is the skill of the interviewer, and their experience with children. You don't get any useful information from a kid you have made uneasy with your line of questioning.

Yes, this is completely normal. It's part of the process.

Look at it this way: you want to parent someone else's child. It seems as if you are looking at adopting through foster care (which is the only type of adoption I advocate, btw), so the children have likely suffered abuse or neglect already. It is important for the social workers to know how you parent. If you're afraid of your children's answers, you shouldn't be adopting at all. If you're afraid that the social workers will scare your kids with their questions, you're not ready to adopt right now. Adoption shouldn't be about what YOU want. It should be about what the children need. And they don't need to be in a home with abusive or neglectful parents.

As for "we cannot afford private adoption" -- that statement worries me. It's as if the kids in foster care are your second choice because they're cheaper. That is not the right reason to adopt. Take a step back and reevaluate what is really important. If you want more kids, why don't you just give birth to them? It doesn't sound as if you're in the right space to be parenting someone else's child. And yes, that's what adoption is, whether you like it or not. If you don't give birth to them, no matter what the paperwork says, they will always have other parents. Period.

Also, when I asked if these private conversations between the social worker and my child could be recorded so that they could not just make up a false charge and have it be their word against my children's, I was told, "NO."

Home studies are very serious. If you do not want your children interviewed, they will think you are hiding things. They will be appropriate with them though.if you spank your kids with a belt or spoon, watch out, not appropriate. If they get in trouble, you can not do things like withholding supper either. Children are to have 3 meals a day. That is why they talk with them. Your house also needs to be very clean and put together.

Yes, if the children are old enough to understand and answer questions, it is pretty common to get their perspective on life in the home and how they feel about potentially having new siblings.