Advice for someone considering older child adoption?

We adopted a 17 year old girl who begged for a 'forever home' before she aged out. We got her at age 16. We chose her as she was very independent and had good life goals. She planned a military career, which she did after graduation. One thing I will say -- these kids are VERY detached and act more like a guest in your home. She is in the military now and 27 years old. Around age 25, she stopped asking 'why do you call me?". In between, she would hurl some hurtful words. I think she has finally accepted that we are family. She finally is bonding and reaching out to our extended family. She cut off contact with all in her birth family some years ago. She was broken and abused, and she told us every time she tried to be with them some abuse would start again. She had been in over a dozen foster homes since age 4. We were looking to adopt a younger child. But Bethany agency had a 'meet and greet' night. We sat next to her and started chatting and we just clicked.

Our friends adopted an older sib group. They had trouble with the girl stealing (trust issues). Once that was nipped she was a great kid. The boy was 16. He was great for the 1st year, then went back to his birth family. Three months later, he left them and returned to what he called "home". They both are doing kid now.

Older kids take some patience and lots of love. I wish you well. All these kids want is a home.

NACAC, north american council on adoptable children.

The other two answers have it covered. Good luck!