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Is this how a mother is supposed to act or is mine abusive?
I'm not one of those arrogant, rebellious teenagers that complain about their parents all the time. I do, however, have a rather tumultuous relationship with my mother. I consider it to be borderline abusive, but since she has disowned almost all of our relatives I have no idea what a normal family dynamic is supposed to be like. I'm hoping that someone in this section can tell me once and for all whether or not my mother is neglectful or abusive.
• She insists that I stop doing homework and studying for exams.
• She urges me to drop all the extracurricular activities I participate in.
• She has given me alcohol on numerous occasions and congratulated me when I got detention for being late to class.
• She has prevented me, on numerous occasions, from pursuing opportunities that would augment my resume, such as skipping grades, securing internships, and participating in study-abroad programs.
• She tells me that higher education isn't important and that a community college would provide me with great credentials and a fine education.
• She stresses the importance of going to parties and dating and hanging out with other teenagers who are known to do drugs and drink alcohol.
• She tries to make me more outgoing and makes me straighten my hair because she thinks straight hair is prettier than curly hair.
• She compares me to my brother and to my friends and tells me that I'll never be as special to her as is my brother and that I'm not as smart as this friend or as sweet as that friend.
• She makes fun of my voice, my height, my eyebrows, and the fact that I'm still a virgin, and she tells me that I'm disgusting and that I smell.
• She made me go on a diet when I was like, seven, even though I was of a normal weight, and she compares our weights to this day*.
• She bad-mouths me to others and calls me a horrible human being, a nerd with no common sense, a terrible daughter, cruel, judgmental, and violent.
• She calls me over-dramatic and tells me that my thoughts, opinions, and feelings are irrelevant when I attempt to talk about something that's bothering me.
• She tells me to shut up and leave her alone if I happen to be talking to someone who's in the same room as her.
• She curses me out and calls me an ungrateful b*tch and says that she can't wait until I move out of her house.
• She denies this behavior and threatens to kick me out of the house when I show her evidence and attempt to disprove her delusions with facts.
• She laughs at me and brushes me off whenever I mention that I want to die.
* I'm 5'3.5" and about 118 pounds; she's 5'7" and about 105 pounds.
ABOUT ME: I'm a junior in high school. I take all advanced classes and am set to be the valedictorian. I've had a 100+ weighted average since the second quarter of freshman year, and as of last quarter it was a 99% unweighted and a 102.7% weighted. I am a member of the soccer team and two honor societies, have tutored kids in four different subjects, and am involved in an art club and in a mock trial team. I loathe parties and have refused marijuana each time it's been offered to me.
ABOUT HER: She comes from a dysfunctional family, never went to college, got married at eighteen, is ill due to the fact that she smokes constantly, swears like a sailor, is quick to criticize others, and is unabashed when it comes to burping, being rude, and acting like a typical teenager — even though she's fifty years old.
5 Answers
- 6 years agoFavorite Answer
She really seems like she hasn't matured yet, that basically she's immature and irresponsible. She could have a disorder or mental illness. I'm almost certain she does. I'm not sure if I can really give you advice, since if it were me in your position I would have no clue what to do, but I think the best thing is that you realize these things aren't NORMAL. They ARE NOT normal at all. A lot of kids do have mothers like this, and the kids usually turn out the same way, so it's best you realize that this isn't ok and try your best to live properly and healthily. Ignore her mean comments. DON'T accept drugs or alcohol. Do your homework and work hard. Don't miss class for her. Take opportunities that will help your resume and future PLEASE. Live your life properly and as you want to, and if you physically and mentally CAN NOT do this, if she actually STOPS you from living properly, you need to contact services because you will never be able to live and move on. You seem like you're really smart and know what you're doing though, so I don't feel worried for you, since you seem really bright unlike your mother. It is an abusive relationship and there's seriously something wrong with her, and if services did know her behavior, they would probably take you away and try to see if there's something going on with her, since the way she acts could turn into physical abuse, hopefully not though. You probably don't want services to get involved, but if you do, then do it!! Talk to someone too. Living with a mother like this takes a toll on people and some do need therapy from such destructive family behavior!!!! If you don't feel like getting anyone involved, just try and stick it out until you're 18 and then you can move out and be your 100% own person .please dont let her rule your life though, and keep living how u want and doing things that you enjoy!!! honestly, you are NOT being dramatic and your thoughts and opinions seriously do matter!!!!!!!!!!! =) ur definitly not ungrateful and you seem like an amazing daughter, seriously, just reading a bit about you from this says you're cool and she's serriously delusional. i really hope you can grow and get past this. no one deserves a mother like this. mothers are supposed to be supportive and kind and teach you things, not mentally abuse u. stay strong and either get help or psuh through this until you can get out for good xxx
- 6 years ago
She exhibits many of the traits of Histrionic Personality Disorder. Here's a link with a brief but well-presented overview of the condition:
http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/HPD.html
Personality disorders in parents are very tragic things to deal with, and the best thing you can do is read up on it to remind yourself (even if it doesn't always work) that there is nothing wrong with you. My mother is Borderline, and the helpful realization I have come to only recently, years after I moved out, is that once you go your own way, the world around you is not hostile and as a whole, it plays no mind games. If you can convince yourself (the truth) that YOUR family is not a micro-representation of life as a whole, which it is in the case of normal families, then all you have to do is numb yourself to the pain to the best of your ability until the day you leave for college, and then distance yourself from your harmful relationship with your mother and you can be free.
- Anonymous6 years ago
No that is not how a mother is supposed to act. Don't listen to her
- Anonymous6 years ago
hello
i have been through abusive relationships before with my mother, but nows not the time to think about me, its time to think about you. this is NOT how a mother should act. shes tecnically abubusing you, if shes making you consume alcohol thats probably a form of abuse. a few questions for you
1is your mother depressed in anyway?
2has she hit you numerouse times before? if so, this is child abuse.
3are you suicidal?
4have you tried to attempt killing yourself before?
if you answered yes to all of the questions, shes going through depression and from this shes been treating you badly from the age of 7. but i still think that a person cannot be deppressed for that long.
if you answered to 2,3,4 or 3,4 GET PROFFESIONAL HELP! i myself, have been through the halls of suicide, but i seeked proffesional help and now im OK.
if you have any close friends or relatives move in with them. or call a social worker. this can get you through to a family that loves you. even if you stayed in a childrens home its a lot better than living with that dragon faced-wrinkled-sack of vomit-who is your mother.
you are living in abuse GET YOURSELF OUT NOW. ESPECIALLY HOW SHES MADE YOU GO ON A DIET AT THE AGE OF 7.
from annonymous
Source(s): Annonymous - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- 6 years ago
This should be taken up with the law. If you can, capture her being horrible to you in a video or audio file, and contact the police about it. Although she is your mother, you may have to fight your own corner here. Good luck, please let me know the outcome, if you choose to take my advice that is ;)
