Is what my mum said to me outdated and inappropriate for this era?

Question

So earlier my mother was complaining about DIY. She told me if I get married I should marry someone with DIY skills.I told I could just do it myself. She said yes, but I would be too busy cooking, cleaning, gardening and raising kids to do it. Personally, I don't think that's right for this century; I'm not sure I want to get married and have kids. Ideas of family are changing; there are more mums being the main providers and stay-at-home dads. Plus, the roles in the house are shifting. Everyone who lives in a house should help with it, regardless of gender. It's not just the females role. So what do you think?

Dick · Answer

I'm sure, that I'm probably old enough, to be your mother's dad, but I think she's stuck in the 1950s. You do NOT want to bring kids into our overcrowded and polluted world. That is child abuse.Marriage is becoming an outdated institution. I think helpless women are superfluous. I sent my girls to HS auto mechanics class, before I let them start driving. Prepare for a career, and tirelessly pursue it. Long term relationships can come later. I think you have the right idea!!! She doesn't

rac · Answer

Marriage is a partnership.  The husband should be the primary provider and protector. The wife should be the primary home maker and nurturer.  However, both should pitch in to help each other as appropriate.  Women do more earning than they used to because life has required it of them.  That is not necessarily a good thing, but necessary.  Likewise, men should be helping around the house to ease the wife's burdens.  Men should do what they can to support the family, which includes finances, housing, loving and guiding.  He stands by his wife's side in all things.  She does the same for her husband, being supportive of his efforts.  What has happened in our society is that too many people have abandoned their roles and responsibilities in life forcing others to pick up the slack and increasing the burden on those who are trying to be responsible.
As for you and your mother, I think you both are correct to some degree.  You need to talk to her and find your common ground.  It is good to marry a man who has skills.  Likewise, it is good for you to have those skills as well.  I am not the handyman that my wife wanted.  I can't match her father or mine in that category.  I have been a steady provider and unifying presence for the family.  That is something my father struggled with.
Each family is a bit different.  You and your husband, whenever that may happen, will find your own balance in helping each other through life.

Jamie · Answer

It's gender stereotyping, yes, and it's antiquated. Unfortunately many older generations are stuck in that mindset. But like Lucky said, maybe you'll get to show her another model for gender roles (or the lack thereof!)

Lucky · Answer

I think people give advice based onpersonal experience and perhaps your mum hasn't been fully exposed to the way people live their lives now and have done for some time :) maybe you can be the one to show her

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Is what my mum said to me outdated and inappropriate for this era?

4 Answers