Is my husband being unreasonable or am I regarding our toddler and manners?

Your husband is being unreasonable, he is most likely afraid that you aren't teaching the child correctly. However that is no way to act infront of his child and wife. Kids are like sponges, so he sets a bad example that the kid might copy.

As a mother you should never let anything slide and tell the child in a sweet manner "remember to say thank you," or "Tell your aunt thank you for the dinner." It's something small that she will get imbedded in her head until it comes natural.

He's definitely being unreasonable. Nothing wrong with teaching manners. But yelling at a toddler over it... a bit too much.

Both of you are a bit off.

Yes, modelling is the most effective way to teach politeness. So, you ALWAYS use greetings, pleases, thanks, excuse me's, and the rest? Even TO her?

That's essential. If you make a habit of asking her to please do this or that, that's part of modelling.

But you can also NOT let it slide, but prompt her.

So, if she wants something, you can start to hand it to her, but don't let her take it. If she doesn't say please, you could say "What do we say?"

Actually, that prompt is for AFTER having done more effective, initial prompts.

So, she is trying to take a banana out of your hand, and you tighten your grip on it, and say, in a pleasant tone "Please?" Let go when she says it. And then "Aren't you going to thank me?"

You are right that your husband, first, expecting someone THAT young to have completely mastered all this, and second, screaming and modelling BRAT behavior, rather than civilized behavior is completely wrong.

But, perhaps you can model correct behavior for him, as well.

So, don't let it slide, just use civilized parenting to prompt the correct words and phrases.

if he sees that you're actually teaching her, he may be less likely to go ballistic.

When the two of you discuss this, you should gently point out that yelling isn't good teaching. TEACHING is good teaching.

Modelling is good, but sometimes needs to be suplemented. So, slowing things down, and prompting the correct things, should produce good habits.

this man has no idea in the world how to be a parent. before he does serious harm through his ignorance and bad temper, introduce him to parenting classes. Can be in person or on video, lots of good books. Talk with his parents, find out their attitudes, see if they can talk any sense into him before his own behavior leads him to be charged with poor parenting/harming a child.

Never let it slide, that is inconsistent parenting/message. The more one lets anything slide, the more subjects will be challenged. Inconsistent parenting results in the worst kids. That does not mean you need to take the kids head off, but it is the expectation, enforce it.

your ol' man has serious issues.

it's just a toddler..