How would you bring this up with your children?

Question

Yesterday, my sister received a frantic phone call from her daycare provider to come pick up my niece, 3. When she arrived, there were parents everywhere picking up their children. When my sister picked up my niece, the daycare lady informed her that one of the other kids she watched had died of respiratory pneumonia. This was extremely upsetting to me, since I had spoken with the child that died only 3 days previously when I visited the daycare to pick up my niece. The daycare lady informed the parents that she had told the children that their friend had "gone on a vacation, and there was an accident, and she won't be coming back to daycare". While, I agree this was probably an appropriate phrase to use with toddler age children, now I am worried what type of exposure the children experienced while in the daycare. Several of the parents that my sister talked to said they were not going to take their kids to the doctor, since they thought there is no real danger. I am wondering if you as a parent, would look into other daycares or continue to let your child attend this daycare. 
When asked what safety precautions were used, the daycare lady said she had used Lysol to disinfect surfaces around the house.

PR · Answer

The daycare provider is not in the postion to know which if any of the children have already been exposed to, or had death explained to them. In what she said, she left the arena open for the parents to explain this in their own way. She could, of course, had stated the child was sick and could not come in and left it at that.

Regarding exposure, most pneumonias are not contagious. Your sister could ask their pediatrician, but there are probably more contagious things going around than that. Pneumonia is bad when not treated properly, or when there is an underlying issue such as asthma.

Your sister could simply state the child won't be back, or explain that "after the vacation" the child got sick and went to heaven. It might be best to leave it as it stands, however.

Now, you can allow your child to understand or leave it the way it is.

When my daughter was about four, her very close friend was found to have a brain tumor. I explained that she could be fine, or she may get sicker. I explained that we did not know how it would go, and she could even die. She understood and went on with her friendship. That friendship has lasted 25 years since the girl survived.

But, in my experience, honesty between parent and child seems to work the best. Of course, at the age of three, it is a bit harder to explain these things. The other thing to consider is how much trust the child will have in the daycare provider, since she did not tell the truth.

It is

Pat Wooden · Answer

If it were me, I would call take my child to the doctor as soon as possible. I sure wouldn't risk my child's life because other parents "thought" there was no danger! They're not doctors. Some types of pneumonia are contagious, not just from touching objects the sick person touched, but also from breathing the air around a sick person. I would make sure the daycare had consulted an expert so they understood what they were dealing with. Lysol can't fix everything.

As for what to tell a child, you're right about not providing unnecessary or distressing information. I would just say the girl had gotten sick and wouldn't be coming back to the daycare center.

As for what to tell a child, you're right about not providing unnecessary or distressing information.  I would just say the girl had gotten sick and wouldn't be coming back to the daycare center.

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How would you bring this up with your children?

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