All I want to do is die?

Question

Hi. My name is Jimmy and I want to do is die. I really, really do. I went through a traumatic episode months ago (which you can read briefly about here: /question/index?qid=20160307095851AAvyWrH and here: /question/index?qid=20160420152906AAFdzoG). But ya. I genuinely hate myself. I feel like I have morphed into this extremely lazy, depressed, useless, quite, irritable asswhole. I am a completely different person now. I have lost my attitude for life, my joy for life, my personality, many of my potential friends (and the ones I do have feel dry many times, because I feel dry), my trust in God, my goodness, whatever degree of confidence I had, etc. I constantly think of death. I constantly wish I was born another person. This last semester has just been so terrible that I don't think I could survive another like it. Right now I'm home early from the semester cause I was feeling suicidal then and I'm doing incompletes/finishing up back home (I hate home). I feel like such a failure. I waste my life on Netflix, on cartoons, staying in bed, not taking a shower until late (lying on the ground strongly, STRONGLY wishing I was dead). And what's worse is that I'm thinking about taking the same program that got me into this mess again so I can communicate a lot more confidently (cause I just used it completely the wrong way). I feel like my soul is black. I feel like my future is black. I wish I was a different person.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm so sorry.  If that program got you there maybe you need to pick something different.  Have you considered therapy?  You're not a failure.  You are a wonderfully made person who was born to be just what God has intended you to be.  The struggles of life are real, we must deal with them.  If you know that TV is making you feel lazy, try finding something else to do in your spare time, like volunteer at an animal shelter. You should tell God how you feel and ask for help.  He won't desert you, He's with you always.  Don't give up.  You can do this.  These problems aren't bigger than God, and He won't let them overcome you.  It may feel hopeless, but you'll make it through this.  You are beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, powerful, and you matter.  God bless you, keeping you in my prayers.  You've got this, I believe in you! :)

Lionheart · Answer

Hey jimmy, I'm a 19 y/o male as well and I understand what your going thru. I suffer from depression also. I stay in my room all day, don't have any friends (only coworkers) and think of suicide pretty often. I stoped attending school, I watch YouTube videos all day and do Notting. I have thoughts of a blank future. Never break your relationship with God.

Pray to Jesus Christ and seek a close friendship with God. He is our father and we all his children. Jesus will guide us and show us the way in life. Keep trying to take your mind off things and see a doctor if anything.

I wish u well. Good Luck & Stay Safe.

Your Friend, 
Lionheart

Suin · Answer

I getcha.

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All I want to do is die?

3 Answers