How many $ to give or spend to/on my grand niece for her wedding?

The obvious thing to say is that you are under no obligation to send a gift. However, that is the answer to a question you didn't ask. Your question was more nuanced and had to do with how your inaction would be perceived by certain people and how they would feel. It isn't about etiquette.

Because you have had issues with your sister and because you have a pattern of sending your nieces and nephews $40 to $50 when they get married, not responding and not sending a gift is going to be noticed as a deliberate slight.

Your sister and her daughter are going to be offended even if you and your grandniece hardly know each other. Further your grandniece, after hearing why they think you didn't send anything, is going to think you don't want anything to do with her because she is the granddaughter of your sister whom you despise. I know, you didn't say you despised her, but that is how it will seem to them, whether you do or not.

The estrangement will worsen if you do not acknowledge this invitation. Put $50 in a card, along with a short note sending your regrets that you will not be able to attend. You did not say that sending $50 would be difficult for you, so I am assuming the money isn't an issue.

You are never obligated to give someone a wedding gift/cash ... whether you attend the wedding or not, no matter how close you are to them, no matter what you've given other newlyweds in the past.

There's no way to answer this common question. The answer is ALWAYS, "Give what you can afford and what you feel is appropriate."

If you want to send $40/50, that's perfectly fine.

If you would rather not send a check, that's perfectly fine as well.

Whatever you do (especially if you want to stay on decent terms with the family), DO NOT just ignore the invitation. It's INCREDIBLY rude to just not send back the RSVP at all. Plus, it's going to open up a whole can of worms because the couple (or your sibling) is likely going to wind up calling you to find out why you didn't reply to their invitation.

So, even if you're on bad terms with someone, DO NOT just ignore the invitation. Check off "declines" on the RSVP card and mail it back by the due date. It's entirely up to you whether or not to include a check.

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you won't be attending the wedding. If someone is rude enough to ask why you aren't coming, simply reply with "Unfortunately we cannot make it to the wedding. We hope you all have a great day!" and do not say anything else other than that sentence - repeat it as many times as you need to, or just end the conversation.

You also don't have to explain why you didn't send a gift, or why you sent a gift of "only" $X. Someone would have to be REALLY rude to question you about this, in which case you just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and nothing else. Say a polite goodbye and hang up the phone if they try to start an argument over it.

I'd skip the gift. A grandniece isn't the same as a niece or nephew, and it doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with this person, so you're not obligated to get a gift. I would still send a note just saying that you won't be able to make it, but that you wish them well. It's polite to give a heads up as to whether you're coming or not, so they have an idea of how many people to expect.

Unless you have a lots of grand nieces and nephews and don't want to start the tradition of "if I give to one, I should give to all"--I would send the $40. No matter what she is your sister and family is family, things could change and do lots of times as you get older. Send the money but don't go. It is an acknowledgement and will mean a lots to your sister and your niece. A wedding gift is not required, but most people do send one and most people expect one. I usually do a gift and save money. Places like Belks, have already boxed glass and crystal pieces around $25 or so.

When in doubt, don't do anything different.

If your style has always been to send $50 in a nice card, that sounds perfect.

The bride is a relative, and you have been invited to her wedding. That is all you need to know. You are unable to attend, and should write a nice note expressing your regrets at not being able to share her special day- the people in between you and he have absolutely no bearing on any of it.

It's really that simple. Wish them well, send a check.

There is no appropriate time to involve anyone's religious beliefs or opinions of each other, or anything else. Just send a nice card and say nice things. Done.

You should always RSVP.

RSVPing have nothing to do with an gift.

It's just tell the couple if you are coming or not.

You do not have to send anything.

Gifts are not require.

If you want to send money 40/50 dollars is fine, due to not upsetting your sister.

Do RSVP.

If you want send an card.

You do not have to.

IMO you don't send anything. If you feel "obligated" to send money, do so. But given what you said and the fact you are not going to the wedding, I would just send a card.

And respond back to the RSVP that you are declining the wedding.

A wedding invitation doesn't require a gift, monetary or otherwise. Attend the wedding or not, based on your relationship with her and your family.

Gifts are optional whether you attend or not. If you choose to give a gift, give whatever you're comfortable with.

Just pointing out though, your strained relationship with your sister has nothing to do with her...

There is no RSVP?

In would at least send a nice wedding card.