What's your craziest sex story?

What's your craziest sex story?

Demons grow human skin (from a sample taken during abduction) and put it on so as to look like us. Demons will invite people to be healed inside their UFOs; those who go will be like zombies after. Gov't provides demons with diamonds and allows demons to abduct people. If you're being abducted, slowly pray the Jesus prayer.

Don't panic. Demons use diamonds and souls to power their UFO craft. The bigger the diamond, the more it lasts. Demons have 4 UFO bases: 1)Moon 2)Inside fake mountain Kailash in Tibet 3)In lake Baikal in Russia 4)In Atlantis which is underneath the Mariana Trench in Pacific Ocean. There are no aliens. Nobody lives on other planets.

Airplanes that go down are hit by demons because they need the airspace to fight Jesus. Antichrist is pale with red eyes. He's possessed by Satan since he's 12 years old. He flies very fast; deceived people will say that "Christ is here; Christ is there". Sometimes, he wears blue robe over left shoulder while red robe is underneath. He wears gloves to hide long nails. He's surrounded by demons who appear as angels of light. Antichrist will trick people to believe that he can do mountain moving and resurrection (using holograms); fire from the sky is easy (considering the gases from pollution in the atmosphere).

Don't go into a UFO to be healed by demons. Green 666 is given by isotope rays on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small plastic grey card with no name on it (World Passport). Police will microchip and isotope ray people on the highways. Microchipped people will be influenced by computers to take grey plastic card; but when they do, 666 is given. Food stores will isotope ray people too. Antichrist will also release prisoners to mark people. Reject 666 at all cost because it leads to permanent hell.

If you're about to be marked, pray the Jesus prayer. Hide with Orthodox Christians to escape 666; leave all electronics behind so that antichrist's minions can't track you. Burn documents because they're from Satan. Give to charity in the name of Archangel Michael; he rescues people from temporary hell twice a year (or brings them up a level, that is, to a level with less punishment; eventually, people are freed). Feed the pigeons; when pigeons bow down, people are saved from temporary hell. Forgive me.

Source: Ruski Orthodox Christian Vyacheslav Krasheninnikov

C'mon!! Any more stories?

are you still looking for stories?

Went on a tinder date. We met in the park, went back to my apartment, chatted for a while, and then got down to business on my bed. Normal sequence of events so far.

Welll, when I took off her panties I noticed that she had this huge ****- like a couple inches long. Whatever. She's hot and otherwise completely normal. I ignore it and we start doing it missionary style. All good so far. After a little bit she asks to get on top, and things start to get weird.

Instead of straddling me to start riding, she gets in between my legs as if she's getting into the normal male position for missionary. Then she sticks a finger in my ***. I've had girls do that before, and I don't mind. Then she leans over and puts her titties in my face (she's only an inch or so shorter than me). Awesome!

But after a minute or so I notice that both her hands are now on my knees- and my *** is still being played with. It's her giant **** now sliding in and out of my ***! Well, again, she's hot and I'm a bit shy and just go along with it. WTF is up with being fu**ed by a **** though!!!????

However, it actually feels really good. After a couple minutes I feel like I'm going to *** from the anal stimulation. I tell her that I'm about to ***, and then all hell breaks loose. Turns out it wasn't an orgasm I felt coming, but actually explosive diarrhea. I blast her monster **** out of my *** and wet, stinky poop starts flying out. Most of it gets all over her vag, legs, and abdomen.

She starts freaking out, and runs out of my apartment screaming at the top of her lungs. The last I saw of her she was running naked down the street away from my building. I could see her long, sh*t covered **** bouncing between her legs as she left.

Edit: **** = cl*t

Edit 2: *** = as* or c*m

I am a 40 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend,

It was a one night stand actually, with a petite brunette lady. But the sex part was surprisingly tender and loving. After we both came, I suggested she get some ice cream from the freezer. Oddly, though, when she opened the freezer door she screamed. I thought that she'd be pleased at the site of my decapitated ex-girlfriend's head.

Now there are two heads in my freezer, with equally surprised and horrified expressions. And a container of Ben&Jerry's Cherry Garcia.