Sometimes I don't think my boyfriend wants to have sex with me. Am I bad in bed?

Question

I just came back from not seeing him for a couple of days and he didnt want to have sex. He said he'd rather sleep and snuggle. He groped me for a bit and that was it. I tried using my hand on him but he stayed soft. Is it me? What am I doing wrong? He says he enjoys it with me and he seems to when we actually do. I know he jerks off a lot. I don't get why he wants to use his hand when I'm not around but doesn't want me when I'm actually available. This is not the first time this has happened. Its not like I just lay there like a zombie we go through a lot of positions throughout and I feel like I'm trying really hard to make him happy. What gives?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Bekah,

My feeling is that he is satisfying his needs a lot with masturbation.  Some guys feel that it's easier to get an orgasm alone than to go through the work of partner sex: getting her in the mood, foreplay, getting her satisfied (and some girls are tough to satisfy), and timing everything just right.

He could be addicted to pornography.  Does he watch it?  Pornography is like a drug.  Scientists have studied the brains of pornography addicts, and they have found that they look like those of drug addicts.  When guys are addicted to pornography, their arousal actually declines with their mate.  Some even get to the point of losing interest in their partner altogether, have difficulty reaching orgasm, suffer from premature ejaculation, or have erectile dysfunction.

I don't know if he watches pornography.  Maybe he is taking a medication that is affecting his libido.

Please try to understand that it's not that you are bad in bed.  It sounds to me as if you are giving it your best.  He is the one who needs to have a talk with you about what's going on.  Until you speak with him about his reasons for masturbating instead of having sex with you, you will continue to be wondering what gives. Find a time when both of you are not feeling exhausted or just got home from work or school to start a discussion about sex.  Don't do it when you are in the bedroom.  You don't want to sound confrontational, but supportive and seeking real answers.

I don't have a problem with a guy occasionally masturbating, as long as it's not his ONLY way to achieve orgasm, and he still wants sex with me.  I think it is a problem when a guy only wants his own hand (with the help of the computer screen) instead of his partner.

Here's an article from my favorite women's magazine, Cosmopolitan.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a39184/is-he-masturbating-instead-of-having-sex-with-you/

Kieran · Answer

Come **** me bear bck and ill tell u if u r gud as we make babies babe im 30 uk u

Jerry · Answer

Sounds like he may have another girlfriend, to me.

mermeliz · Answer

He may have found another GF while you were away. He just hasn't got the guts to tell you yet!

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Sometimes I don't think my boyfriend wants to have sex with me. Am I bad in bed?

4 Answers