Is this normal in a relationship?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost nine months and we are very happy together. It's very clear that he is very invested in me and this relationship, and it's the same for me. Recently I've had a couple of dreams about him cheating on me, and it really bothers me because cheating, for me, is the worst thing somebody could do in a relationship. I've talked to him about these dreams, and just the other day he had a dream that he and I were "getting busy" and then all of a sudden I told him to stop and that we couldn't do this anymore, because he had a girlfriend and he was super confused because I'm his girlfriend, and it really disturbed him. He's been checking in with me a lot more now to see if I'm okay with him doing stuff like going for coffee with a girl, complimenting a girl or whatever else. I've always trusted him with that stuff because I know how serious he is about us, and I still do, but I can't help but wonder why all of this is happening. Is this normal in a relationship?

Carolynn M · Answer

Good god they are  only dreams, and if you notice most of our dreams are on the negative side... so you told him and he either had a dream because of hearing yours or made up a wild tale that he had one.

Dreams are your subconscious mind speaking and most of the time they present scenarios which are things which would bother us.  These dreams come up because something sparked our subconscious to whirl the thoughts around -- like a movie, or something you heard someone else say, or a situation you observed.  Dreams aren't about the truth, they are just about prospective situations which induce fear in us.  Again, they are about things which would likely bother or upset us.

And the dreams we remember give us an opportunity to decide what we'd do if something like this happened in our reality.  Dreams like this aren't about predicting our future.  Just about problem solving.  The dream could have also meant something else besides actual cheating.  Dreams can be about symbolism

? · Answer

No that's not normal. Sometimes a dream where a partner is cheating isn't unusual as it's your anxiety or being worried isn't odd either but what you're doing is not normal

Mark · Answer

Nothing about a relationship is normal, its abnormal to f*ck and sleep with some-one that you dont know much about. Ive done it a few times and they were psycotic maniacs that told me I shouldnt be f*cking people I dont know because they could be psycotic, I dont know what they thought they were doing!

? · Answer

You're having dreams in a relationship?  That's normal.  You're actually taking them seriously and pursuing a conversation about it?  That's not normal.

You're putting pressure on him to start editing what he does now because of some stupid dreams.  He's going to start feeling like he can't talk to anyone, interact with people, and you're controlling his social interactions.

It's the beginning of the end, pretty much.  That's too bad but that's what happening over a dream.  He's learning to think you're crazy.

Anonymous · Answer

That type of dreams usually means you are feeling insecure. Perhaps your bf feels the same and it's time for some honest discussions.

Anonymous · Answer

Dreams are fictional and not reality.

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Is this normal in a relationship?

6 Answers