Taking Christmas away from children?

Question

I really do not know where I went wrong in a raising my children. Two out of three (the 9 year old twins) have diagnosed ADHD but I still think they shouldn’t be this bad. My other is 10. Getting them to do anything turns into frustration and stress. Things like getting ready for school, they miss out on breakfast almost every morning. Usually giving them an apple and granola bar to eat while walking to school. Asking them to clean their room is a 3 day process. I’ve tried punishments, reward activities, I even had a professional come into my home once a week for 3 months to give me advice. Everyone keeps saying “be persistent”, well I have been, for 10 years! I try to keep to a strict routine, hoping it’ll help them regulate. But it doesn’t always work because they just won’t listen. Wake up at 7:00 go to school at 8:15. 3:30 arrive home from school, after school snack, a single chore and then play. (They don’t get video games. They do watch movies during the weekend but that’s all they get for electronics.) i cook dinner, they eat around 5:30. Then dishes. 6:00 homework (which they hardly ever have) 7:00-7:30, bathing, bed at 8:00. I think something drastic needs to happen, and I’m thinking maybe no Christmas this year. I’ve already bought the gifts and the kids have seen some of them wrapped in my room which I’m wondering would make a bigger impact if they don’t receive them. Is this something that will work?

Crystal · Answer

Personally I disagree with taking away Christmas; it's not a privilege, it's a holiday everyone looks forward to all year. You do this, they'll just resent you. As far as school, get up earlier in the morning! I'm up with my kids at 5 am every morning. You want them to clean their room? Throw all of their belongings away before Christmas. They get their Christmas gifts but if don't take care of them, they get them taken away. There are other ways to do things beside taking away Christmas.

Katherine W · Answer

Try reading 1-2-3 Magic. It's about how to discipline.

I wouldn't take away Christmas. That seems too severe. I would remind them in the days leading up to Christmas that Santa knows when they've been bad or good.

Talk to the school about how to get them to school. They may have some good ideas.

I think you might also consider getting them up earlier and having a real breakfast. An apple doesn't have any protein and they need that to think in school.

You say you had someone come for three months, but did you take her advice? Are you doing what she said?

LizB · Answer

I think that's going to backfire spectacularly and probably lead to more acting out.

When it comes to discipline, the consequences of not following the rules need to agree with the transgression. For example, if they don't do their chore when they get home, no play time. If they don't sit down at the table at 5:30 when asked, start eating without them, and if they miss dinner then tough nuggets. When bedtime rolls around at 8pm and you want to be done by 8:20 but they won't calm down, then no story time, no sitting and talking, no fetching water or giving a 17th hug, just lights off and Mom is off the clock. If you want to stick to a schedule then STICK TO A SCHEDULE, and if they don't adhere then make it clear that the clock keeps ticking whether they cooperate or not. If they miss their chance for a snack, or playing, or dinner, or stories before bed, well that's what happens when you're messing around not paying attention what Mom says, but tomorrow is a new day to try again.

Anonymous · Answer

Both your kids are old enough to face
punishment for their actions they are not
little kids anymore please stop babying them!

? · Answer

baby steps to discipline .
after the stressful season is done , show your kids how consequences work.
with out consequences your kids will believe you care less about them

Tulip · Answer

Troll

Star_of_Darkness · Answer

You went very, very wrong when you allowed someone to give the fake diagnose of ADHD. There's no such thing. Its not real.

They are SPOILED. They are spoiled and you allow it and use a fake label to excuse them being badly behaved when a REAL parent woudl have never allowed to them to have the fake diagnose of ADHD and woudl have taken a belt to them

You ask them ONCE and only once to clean their room. Wren they don't you get a trash bag, march in there and clean it. Everything goes and I mean everything. They can have nothing but the bed, what clothing you allow and what they need for school work.

If they refuse to get ready then you drag them to the car and put them in it and they go to school as they are. If they don't eat then they get nothing at all until next meal time, no snacks, no nothing.

You clearly are not strict at all. You allow them to do what they want and do nothing and use fake labels instead of telling them to do something once and only once and when they refuse you should smack them

They need more chores as well, if they dont' do them then they get a smacking and no TV, no nothing. They sit in their room

Since they are brats and have no respcet for you at all and you fail to do any real punishments, I'd take away all the presents and never allow any more since they do nothing but whine and cry and be brats

Pippin · Answer

So -- the family counseling that you have surely been getting as you have found it harder and harder to cope with your children -- what has the counselor had to say?

And not clear how you can keep December 25th from coming ...

1 · Answer

Well you really should have foreseen something like this happening before you started humpin. Why weren't you? Why did you feel you should have sex? Because it felt great at the time? From reading your post, it seems like you are one step away from a mental breakdown. And where is your husband in all of this? You didn't mention him not one time. Is he a loser that left after he got what he needed from you? You have GOT to make better decisions in life.

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Taking Christmas away from children?

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