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Is my boyfriend going to break up with me?
So recently my boyfriend invited me to go to Cancun with him about two weeks prior to when he plans to go. He is a pilot and he stated that having a girlfriend who could go on these trips with him is very important to him. We have been dating for seven months and I have already had to turn down two trip opportunities due to conflicts with school. My education is important to me and it is hard to put myself in a position to jeopardize it. I am a 19 yo in college by the way; he is a 20 yo. We had a talk yesterday and he stated to me that he is in a dilemma because he really loves me but he wants a girlfriend who he can do these things with.
I told him that I am willing to go on trips with him but if he wants me to go, we have to plan these trips together with consideration to both of our schedules and that we need to plan a few more weeks in advance, especially when it involves going out of the country. Typically, he notifies me of these trip plans two weeks in advance and it doesn t give me much time to prepare.
However, in reply, he said that it is hard because he is only informed of these trip opportunities on a whim so we would not be able to plan ahead in the time frame that I proposed.
I really love him but I don t know where we stand right now. He said he needs some time to "reflect" and I believe he is contemplating breaking up with me.
Am I a bad girlfriend for being unable to go on these trips with him? Did he truly love me if he breaks up with me over this?
5 Answers
- 1 year ago
It is a little selfish of your boyfriend to expect you to be able to travel frequently. I think he would struggle to find someone who would be able to adopt that life.
It is important that you stay true to you and your life journey. Dont hold onto something that isnt going in the same direction as you are. If your boyfriend truely wants a healthy relationship he would try and be understanding. It seems to be he has an issue with being alone? and wants to have you there so he doesnt have to be alone.
- ChanelLv 61 year ago
While you are dwelling on this situation you are missing out on life.
Take up every opportunity to socialize. Keeping busy really works.
Best of luck.
- ?Lv 71 year ago
No and No to your last two questions. It takes mutual true love for a relationship to last a lifetime.
Could you possibly be confusing having the feeling of being "in love" and true love?
Here's some information about love from the books True Love Lasts, Straight Talk About Teen Dating, and Straight Talk About Dating:
“Unfortunately, lots of people don’t know what true love is and that’s a big reason why a large number of marriage relationships are unhappy. Many people think that true love is just a feeling. You know, the wonderful head spinning feeling of being “in love.”
If true love is just a feeling, feelings come and go. But true love doesn't come and go. True love is patient and kind. It isn’t jealous, rude, selfish, controlling, or easily angered. It forgives. It’s supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Unlike the feeling of being “in love” which is relatively easy to get especially during dating, true love usually develops slowly over a significant period of time (often years). In order to develop true love for someone you really have to know them well – which means that you have had a chance to observe their behavior in all types of situations (pay special attention to how they react when things go wrong or they don’t get their way). True love is so much more than just the feeling of being “in love” - it’s supposed to be a mutual lifelong commitment. When you say that you love your significant other, you’re saying that you’re committed to loving them for the rest of your life - for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death do you part. True love lasts - it almost never fails.
Think of it this way, if a person has true love for another person, it’s like the sun - it’s always there no matter what (remember that even at night, the sun is still there, it’s just shining on the other side of the earth - and when it’s cloudy outside the sun is also still there, it’s just behind the clouds).
On the other hand, the feeling of being “in love” is like sunshine - even though we’d like it to be sunny every day, the truth is that the amount of sunshine changes regularly. Some days it’s nice and sunny and the feeling of being “in love” is strong, on others it’s partly cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is there but it’s not very strong, and on other days it’s cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is barely there at all. I’m hoping that this explanation is helping you to see that it’s possible for a person to have true love for another person and not have a strong intense feeling of being “in love” with that person at a particular moment. (If you talk with married couples, I think they’ll tell you that the strength of their feelings of being “in love” changes regularly.)
So when you hear someone say, “I don't love him or her anymore” - take it for what it usually is. It’s usually someone saying that they’ve lost the feeling of being “in love”, that they don’t know how or they’re not willing to make the effort required to get the feeling back, and that they probably never had true love for their significant other to begin with because true love almost never fails.
Many times I’ve heard young women say, “my boyfriend loves me.” Unfortunately, most of these women have been fooled. How could their boyfriend possibly have true love for them if their boyfriend doesn’t even know what true love is? Sadly many people marry when one or both people don't have true love for the other - and the result is usually divorce because it's hard to keep a marriage together when it's based only on the feeling of being "in love."
My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money).
It’s going to be tough, but my second suggestion is that you break up with this guy in a kind way unless he’s a strong person with whom you feel you could one day develop mutual true love with, and eventually look for this type of guy (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of man is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.
(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)
Hope this helps!
Source(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Teen Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 13-19, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up - ?Lv 41 year ago
Of course not. Your future is important and you should never feel like you have to put your life on hold for him. At the end of the day, as much as it is nice to travel around world with a partner, it isn't a priority. You have your degree to focus on and if he loved you he would respect that your life can't revolve around him. He needs to be willing to compromise and wait until you're in the right place to travel around with him and if he can't do that then he shouldn't be with you. Partners support each other and their individual goals just as much as their shared ones, he should understand that your career is important to you, and while he may already be comfortable and have a career and want to travel with you, you don't and until you do that just isn't a priority at this time. It's easy to say you want something when your future is already set, not so easy when you haven't accomplished that part of your life yet.
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- DonaldLv 51 year ago
If he is willing to give you up because you value your education, then he is not worth having... It seems like things will always have to be his way.
Best wishes