How do I get my boyfriend to trust me?

Question

My boyfriend is a 20 yo male and I am a 19 yo female. Recently, he has been bringing up in conversations that my response times to his texts are slow. The truth of the matter is that I am not much of a texter and I find the pressure of responding to texts to be quite overwhelming. I tend to overthink my text responses and I would much rather communicate over the phone. I have not really explained this to him in great detail though.

Recently my boyfriend made a comment that makes me believe he does not trust me. He said "You took like an hour to respond to my text. You are probably talking to that other guy." The guy he is referring to is my high school friend who I keep streaks with on Snapchat. I did not know what to say in the moment of him making this comment and initially kind of glossed over it, however, as I was thinking about it, I began to realize how his comment most likely came from a place of him lacking trust in me. He really does not have anything to worry about though as this guy is only a high school friend and nothing more.

What are some ways I can get my boyfriend to trust me? How should I go about this situation?

Janet · Answer

When we have NOT betrayed someone and they don't trust us, it is because THEY are insecure and don't have the emotional courage TO trust.
Since being trustworthy AND being able TO trust are 65% of what makes a relationship last, you can expect that your relationship with this guy will not be a lasting relationship.  Sorry.  Not everyone IS relationship material.

You can do what you have probably tried to do. Explain (as you did to us) that you have trouble with texting and that is why you are slow to respond. So you can explain it, but whether or not HE accept what you say is entirely up to him, and you have no control over that.

Maureen · Answer

Tell him straight that you are not a puppet and that you will reply to text when you have got the time, your time not his.  Tell him that he is becoming controling and demanding.

Glass · Answer

He doesn't think you are cheating on him. He just wants to put you on the defensive and make you feel like you need to prove yourself to him. It's working. Now whenever you displease him, he will accuse of cheating or claim you don't really love him until you grovel and show him you know your place. Save yourself a lot of frustration and break up. You don't need to snap to attention every time he texts you, no reasonable person would expect you to. He is just immature and needy. This isn't how someone who cares for you behaves, you two are not compatible.

Anonymous · Answer

Explain your “overthinking” to him. He doesn’t understand why you’re “slow,” and you’re no help when keeping the reason to yourself.

If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy.

Anonymous · Answer

< "You took like an hour to respond to my text. You are probably talking to that other guy." >
 
If he is this insecure and jealous, you seriously need to look at moving on.
 
He does not own you or get to decide who you talk to or spend time with.

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How do I get my boyfriend to trust me?

5 Answers