Please help with my family
situation?

Question

I’m very uncomfortable around my dads wife. She’s always calling me weird, making snide comments about how her daughter is more successful, and she’s always talking down to me. It’s put me in a deep depression before.

There’s always some kind of drama, because of her. And my dad allows it to happen. I’ve cut them out of my life before because it was killing me. But here I am, begging for my dad again.

Well, for thanksgiving I went to their house for the first time in a long time. Nothing had changed, discomfort continued and now my fiancé is feeling just as uncomfortable as me about them.

On Christmas Eve, I asked my dad he would meet me at a restaurant instead of his house for Christmas Day. Well, my Christmas Eve was ruined when he got furiously angry saying I needed to come to his house or no deal. Saying he didn’t wanna eat at a restaurant on Christmas, etc. He ends the call by hanging up on me. Keep in mind, I was going to drive roughly 4 hours to see him at a local restaurant.

I message him afterwards and we continue convo. He says he is hurt and feels depressed because his kids never want to be at his house, but we’ve tried to explain the toxicity of his wife. He never listens and we are always left miserable He always sides with her, he isn’t even allowed to talk on the phone with us without her present.

Am I wrong here? He seems to think I’m just terrible, all the time, and we always end up back at this same situation.

? · Answer

If you've got siblings all of you need to stage a meeting with Dad to explain that it's not him but his wife keeping you all away. It's not like he's going to leave her but at least if you all get together to make sure he takes it seriously maybe he'll at least listen more and tun some interference when his wife starts in on you.

Pearl · Answer

just dont go if you dont want to be around them

? · Answer

Sorry to read your post. It's unfortunate that your father's wife has managed to wedge herself between your father and his children. You say you have tried to speak with him but that he defers to his wife.

If that is the case, your only option is to protect yourself from the toxicity of your father and his wife. You are an adult. You have the ability to protect yourself, and you need to do this. You cannot be that little 14year old craving for her father's love; it isn't there. And you don't have to feel guilty.

You need not be worried how your father thinks of you. What matters is how you think of yourself.There will be no more Christmas eve or Christmas day celebrations with them, because getting together will only cause you great anxiety.

Let it go and move on with your life. Live your life.
Best wishes.

something fishy · Answer

All you have to do is be pleasant and smilemand be helpful and busy. Id be working the trash and dishes and dog and just not be in ear shot formthe comments.

You can make a million excuses and it will omly make your anxiety worse.

Just shower and dress up and be really ready to deal with family one day and be done with it

Kill the haters with kindness
Just listen share nothing unless they ask then share very little....if you're busy they cant ask much..

Carson · Answer

Your father may be emotionally abused by his wife/warden.

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Please help with my family situation?

5 Answers