i don’t want to be apart of the matrix?

super!

so what is the question here?

Then don't watch the film.

U r so intelligent so please don't ask questions n' just give answers...k?

A path based on this research is reasonable:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_o...

You're likely female, which is to your credit, as your strong feelings are thus more personal.  You might find "Autobiography of a Yogi" worthwhile, as the author's feelings were much like yours.  Also, Shaunti Feldhahn's "For Couples Only" deals with the intelligence of relationships, and has proven helpful for each gender understanding the other.  "Understanding Yourself" by Mark Prophet is good.

Good fortune, maybe be calm, unruffled, as you find your way; btw, substance abuse is a deleterious trap.

People should be able to answer this simple question; "As a nation, what is it you're trying to achieve?" 

In the modern day, no one can answer that question. That makes everyone feel lost.

The National Socialist Germans of last century could answer that question. They wanted peace, prosperity, and a high standard of living for their people, with no wars and no enemies allowed to reside in their lands.   But unfortunately White people are not allowed that and so our nations are an utter mess with no direction. 

Globalism & multiculturalism have ruined the sense of community & nationhood - the feeling of being part of something, part of a team.

The counter-reaction to that is Ethno-Nationalism. That will return a sense of belonging and direction to our people.

If you are ethnically European then my advice would be to become part of something great. Fight for your nation, your people, their future, find a good partner & have a family.

If you're not ethnically European and you're living in a White country, consider moving to your own peoples land and trying to make it worth living in.

ENGLISH LESSON: You either mean you don't want to be A PART OF the matrix, or you want to be APART FROM  the matrix".

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Presumably you are using "the matrix" metaphorically, because it does not exist.

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It's very difficult to not take part in the routine of modern society. It IS possible but it is a lot harder than you think. I had very similar thoughts as you when I was 17. Almost identical, in fact.

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That was 47 years ago at the apex of the "hippie era". I "dropped out", swore off corporate America, the education mill, mass consumerism, and most media [didn't own a TV for  27 years]. I travelled A LOT. I moved around from place-to-place, worked many different jobs, met amazing people, did all the things you are hoping to do and chased a number of dreams that didn't pan out. 

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In the end, the reality of it was that to open certain doors so that I could truly pursue my passion - which took me ten years to discover - I had to play the "game" for awhile, get an education and work inside the "system" for awhile until I had the means to really break away and do my own thing. That took another ten years. I learned that to BEAT the system you have to USE the system intelligently. There's no real way around it unless you want to struggle ALL of your life. 

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And, unless you intend to do it alone, it's extremely difficult to find a partner that is like-minded and willing to make the necessary sacrifices.  It took me twenty years to find that person.

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 A lot of people like you "talk the talk", but few actually "walk the walk". Good luck and remember, the "matrix" is not all bad. Without it we wouldn't get to enjoy all the benefits of modern society. Use it to your advantage as necessary or you'll end up spinning your wheels and wasting a lot of time.  

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The bottom line is that you need some skills to support yourself with and those don't just materialize from thin air. 

The bad news is that we all need money to live, so sometimes we have to take any job that pays money. 

The good news is that you can find a job you love if you find out what your strengths and passions are. Take online personality tests, including true colors or Myers-Briggs as well as occupation tests. That way you can find something that suits your temperament and abilities. 

In the meantime, once the pandemic is over, you can travel and do different types of work while you explore the world. But if you do that, you have to be prepared to sweep floors or dig ditches to make a few dollars to survive on. 

In the end, follow your dreams, but be prepared to work hard if you want to succeed and get the things you want in life.