Why am I such a duche?

Because you can't spell.

I still love you babe!  

Aww. Don't beat yourself up, sweet. We ALL **** up- (no exceptions!) I mean, bloody hell, I know I ******' have! Honestly, I don't think I'M very bloody nice at times either and I daresay there's a hell of a lot of folk who'd probably agree with me on that bloody score! At least you're admitting that you're a douche- (that's step one taken!) Step two, on the other hand- (actually doing something to change that fact), is far less easy and I wish you all the luck in the bloody world on that bleedin' score, sweet, 'cos trust me, you're gunna bloody need it, as I've been finding out, me-bloody-self! Trust me, sweet, I'm right there with ya. I'm trying to become a better me as well- (not just for my sake, but also, for me girlfriend's and for the sake of our future life together!) I also like fried foods- (it sounds like we've got a lot in common), and I've been finding meself eating more junk-food than ever- (I don't think this bloody lockdown's been very kind to any of us, in all honesty), and trust me, I was bad enough long before this poxy lockdown kicked off! Just try- (like I'm gunna do as well), to be the best version of yourself what ya can possibly be and no-one can ask more than that of us. Come what may, I wish you all the luck in the world, sweet. You're gunna be just fine, kiddo. Peace and love. Be lucky, sweet. xxxx 

Nice that you're finally admitting it.  I feel so sorry for you, but you are approaching adulthood and you need to come to terms with your mother.  Get some exercise and start eating appropriately.  You'll lose weight and feel better about yourself.  Good luck.

Yes Elisabeth, you are a despicable human being and a complete waste of skin, but you've given us a laugh or two along the way.

Well, really Elisabeth, we've all known it all along.  Too bad you had to wait until Yahoo was closing down.  Jeez, I wonder where you can spread your hatred now?  Get a life or die, no one cares.