bejay

Man goes into Bar with Crocodile on lead

Bar tender says "you can't bring that in here it's dangerous!"

Guy says "no it's not watch this"

He takes his 'little fella' out - puts it in the crocs mouth & beats the Croc on the head.

He takes it out unmarked & everyone is shocked

he then asks " Anyone want to try that?"

Little old lady says "yes - but please don't hit me that hard!"

Darned old Grannies!!!

In the beginning as human form took shape, parts of the body explained why they should be boss.

The brain - I make decisions & direct action

The arms - we do the work

Legs - I carry you everywhere

Stomach - I process nutrients that fuel you

Later the rectum said I wanna be boss

the rest of the parts laughed & ridiculed the rectum

so the rectum went on strike

soon the brain couldn't think

arms became heavy

legs wouldn't move

& stomach couldn't take any more food

The Moral?

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That's why bosses are Assh%%les

I mean what have we done to have Paris freak'n Hilton come over here?

While I'm at it what other than irritating intelligent people has she done that's useful?

As he's about to drill, grab his package firmly & say we're not gunna hurt each other are we?

He irritates the daylight out of me - a most unfunny person.

Guy is frustrated that his thing is 'too shortl'

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>finds a wishing well and tosses in his coins,

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he wishes that his old fella could touch the ground

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> in a flash his wish is granted .........his legs are two & 1/2 feet shorter

When Mary had a little Lamb the Doctor was surprised

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When ole Mcdonald had a farm he couldn't believe his eyes.

A Ventriquilist is prefoming in a club, he goes through the obligitory Mother in law & Wife jokes so he moves on to Blondes. Soon a young blonde leaps to her feet.

Stop! she shouts, you're so offensive do you think we blondes don't have feelings? it's so hurtfull....then she begins to sob.

The performer is embarrased & saddend by her outburst so he begins to express his regret.

Oh shut up she screams, I'm talking to that little runt on your lap!!!!!!

Artificial intelligence!!!!!

How can you tell a Cowboy is Gay?....

He pulls his chaps on backwards!

One day he rode into town & shot up the Sherrif....

but they couldn't arrest him.......why?

he was within the law!!

Did you know there are three stages to a man's sex life?

Stage 1 Tri weekly

Stage Try weekly

Stage 3 try weakly

Ho Hum!

An old Cowboy sat down at the bar & ordered a drink. As he drank a young woman joined him & asked "are you a real cowboy?"

He says "Well I spent my life Breaking colts, working cows, bailing hay, doctoring calves working on tractors so I guess I'm a Cowboy"

She replied " I'm a Lesbian, I spend my whole day thinking about women, when I get up in the morning, when I shower, when I watch TV even when I eat. It seems every thing makes me think of women"

They sat in silence, a man joins the Cowboy & asks "are you a real Cowboy?"

Cowboy relpies 'Well I thought I was but I just found out I'm a Lesbian"!!

Ok you Med / Psych students,

who knows

1] what a Frontal Lobotomy is

2] what it's for?

Sean & Paddy on their way & on first Guiness, their peace shattered by a big bang & shudder from the plane.

Pilot says..."sorry folks # 1 engine failed we'll be ok! but we'll be 15 min late getting to London".

Lads look at one another & order a second Guiness.......soon another bang & shudder with heaps of smoke. "Begosh & begorrah what was that?" says Pad...

Pilot again, "Ladies & Gents # 3 engine just failed no worries, two good ones left, but we'll be 30 min late in London".

Passengers grumble so Pad & Sean order yet another Guiness....

And you guessed it again there's another Bang, shudder, sparks & smoke aplenty.

"Saints preserve us"says Sean.....Pilot..." you're not gunna believe it but # 4 just failed but # two is strong & we'll get there, only it'll be an hour later than planned".

Sean turns to Paddy & says.. ya know Pad..if that number two engine fails we'll be up here all bloody night!!!!

Why do you actually pay attention to half witted, self centered, precocious & obnoxious so called celebreties? Good grief Trump vs O'Donnell who cares? they're both a waste of space!! As for sports & entertainment [?] people [I refuse to call them stars] why approve of & accept revolting behaviour?

I mean to say womens magazines suggest women are perfect communicators however if men don't respond maybe women simply ask the wrong questions! Any ideas?