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I can't sue God because I'm an atheist.

It's just that everything white people have done recently... I'm a liberal and don't agree with what a lot of members of my race has been up to over the past few years.

There's a sub... a sub that threatens our reputation as being smart and rational people. I won't name names, because that could expose me. Let's just call them a hate group.

Anyway, ever since I was a small autistic child, I've had two passions: Espionage and submarine accidents. I currently work as a professional submarine espionager and am the reason why rich people have to sit in the back of underwater buses.

But that's not enough. Keeping sea trolls at bay is not enough. There is a new ocean for me to defend, known as "le interweb". r/subbie has agreed to aid me in my quest in order to sabotage r/altright because all submarine people are middle-class liberals.

How can I accomplish this?

I recently discovered a subreddit dedicated to proving that Finland doesn't exist and that it's just not there. This of course is making me questioning my belief in Finland. I need an opinion from both smart and stupid people, and I already asked Reddit so I need you guys to prove to me that Finland either does or doesn't exist.

So back in February when it first premiered my grandfather died. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, because people die all the time. But then, on Friday, when season 2 premiered, my rabbit died. The poor thing was only a year and a half old, but then, as I was browsing Netflix to try and find something to watch, I made the connection. How can I keep it from ever airing again? I don't want anyone else to die.

I don't have the funds or resources to move to Canada so I certainly don't have enough money to survive the greater depression, and as an atheist, I'm remaining neutral in the upcoming holy war. Should I just found my own country out of the ruins of my house?

So I had this brilliant idea today. I live in a really swampy area, so I was thinking that I would go find an alligator and poke it with a stick, then post it on Youtube. It's either that or spearing a very large fish out of the water then wrestling it. I have several questions about this though:

1. Is either idea safe?

2.Which idea is safer?

3. Could I actually do both ideas?

4. Would either of them go viral?

5. How viral though?

I've always liked gaming, and my parents are fine with it, yet the news seems to be saying "video games make kids shoot people in the face!" which is not true. Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face. You really think he's a gamer? No. My theory is that gaming is something new that most people do not understand.

"Oh, but video games are really violent!" Yeah, so is TV, movies, books, and everything else, including FOX news.

No really all my followers on Tumblr are either my IRL friends or porn blogs, and I have no idea why. You'd think they'd have no interest in me because I am just a fan account of various video games and tv shows, but I still have like a dozen of them. Are they like trying to make me look bad?

So it started a few days ago, when I had the urge to eat anything made by Hostess. I went and bought some Twinkies, but the next day I was watching TV then began wanting chocolate chip pancakes, but only of a specific size, and they had to be from Denny's. Later that day, I saw the Coke logo flash for less than a second on Tumblr, and immediately grabbed a soda from my refrigerator. The same night I went out to McDonald's in the middle of watching Donald Trump blab his orange mouth and got the Fish Delight, as well as the new Fat Momma burger.

I think this means I need to get commercial free Hulu.

So I'm thinking just a generic comedy show but every time that standard laughing sound effect would play instead there would be Adam Sandler making seagull noises. This is brilliant.

So I was born on a plane that was crashing into another plane very slowly because we were being shot at by Somalian pirates who were also robots. Until recently, I believed myself to have been born in the back of a moving Taco Bell delivery van (we have those in Kentucky and my mother was part of the Norwegian Mafia at the time. Taco Bells are actually a massive cover up involving a form of meth done through anal suppository). Now that I think about it, the thing about the planes sounds like I was born in a Diehard movie never released. Was I?

I'm talking like, a point in the future where robot parts have surpassed normal human parts. So I read somewhere that the human eye can't see in 4k, but could an advanced enough robot eye be able to see in 4k, or is it just a neural thing? I'm not a scientist, just a guy who plays Deus Ex.

My friend and I were watching TV and a guy picked up a hitchhiker and she said that the guy only picked her up because she is a woman, because you are more likely to get killed or raped by a man. Is this true?

Go on, where is it? It's six seasons and a movie! Or better yet, seven seasons!

When you see the sun, it's the sun from a few minutes ago. 14 billion light years away you can see the big bang. It doesn't look like that now, it's just the time it takes for the light to reach us makes space the past.