Tommy C

I have to do a little skit from one of Shakespeare's plays. It has to be at least 25 lines, and not from Romeo and Juliet. I need some suggestions, ASAP. PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks!

>> > Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's

>> > because it's dark."

>> >

>> > Operator: "Dark??"

>> >

>> > Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have

>> > is coming in from the window."

>> >

>> > Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

>> >

>> > Caller: "I can't."

>> >

>> > Operator: "No? Why not??"

>> >

>> > Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

>> >

>> > Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it

>> > licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff

>> > your computer came in??"

>> >

>> > Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

>> >

>> > Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it

>> > up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you

>> > bought it from."

>> >

>> > Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

>> >

>> > Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

>> >

>> > Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What

This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.

>>

>> > This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was

>> > transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

>>

>> > Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she

>> > is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination

>> > without Cause".

>>

>> > Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

>> > (Now I know why they record these conversations!)

>>

>> > Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

>>

>> > Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

>>

>> > Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

>>

>> > Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the

>> > words went away."

>>

>> > Operator: "Went away?"

>>

>> > Caller: "They disappeared."

>>

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080309/ap_on_re_us/ph...

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. You need to use 'big people words," she'd always remind them.

She asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!"

She then asked Joey what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words."

She then asked Eddie what he had done "I read a book," he replied. "That's

wonderful," the teacher said. What book did you read?" Eddie thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the S H I T."

A young kid gets on the bus, his hair is spiked and dyed green, purple, and orange. His face and body are full of tattoos and body piercing. He sits down directly across from an old man who just stares at him. The punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at, old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

The old man says, "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not

commit adultery or fornication!!

One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!"

The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief pauses

At the height of the Intafada, the Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight.

The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the area. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on his cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.

When the day of the big fight

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa ...

... taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put

Depending on my surroundings, my eyes sometimes change colors between blue and green. does this happen to anyone else?

i just got $80 worth of itunes cards any ideas for songs?

wat do you guys think?

Ok i have these two friends both girls (im a guy) and i was over at one of their houses and then the other one came and told me that i had to leave because my better friend who's house i was at didnt want me there. The one that invited me to her house told me to come back when the other left because she was lying but now they are both telling me that the other is lying, who should i beleive? The one who's house i was at i really like and the other has been acting wierd lately but im still not sure who to believe.