NFFC

i've tried all the search engines & download sites. i've even tried to buy the discs from Packard Bell but the laptop is too old. i can't use a generic Windows disc as this model is bios-locked, it will only accept the specific discs for this model.

thanks to anyone who can help.

on The Weakest Link today Anne Robinson asked at the end of a round 'who'd be better off on the Polish version?'

my wife has left me and taken my Bob Marley collection and the satellite HD box. i'm gutted!

i missed the program on Saturday March 14th (itv 4). does anyone know where i can watch or better still download it?

he wants to retire as an undefeated champion and legend but refuses to fight the main contender. he even changed weight to avoid having to take a mandatory fight against Carl Froch and has now categorically stated that they will never fight.

a TRUE legend would never run and hide! while i like and admire Joe this is just not on.

a derby county fan was out walking his dog when he saw an old jug lying in the grass. he picked it up and rubbed it on his sleeve to inspect it more closely. all of a sudden a genie appeared and said 'i can grant you one wish o master'.

derby fan says 'make my dog win best of show at crufts'. genie replies 'but its old, lame, flea-ridden, smelly and has a bit of its ear missing! you'll have to come up with something more realistic'.

derby fan thinks for a second and says 'ok then, make derby county win their first five matches next season'. genie replies 'i'll tell you what, lets have another look at your dog!'.

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the

window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have

apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the

damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken

antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my

window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see,

I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll

Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for

myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted

out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.

And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like

to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the

world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe

from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a

woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your

wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now

have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.

Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about

you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same

for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of

the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and

looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your

husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you

still believe in genies?"

Newcastle United manager Kevin Keegan has been hailed as a home-coming hero by the fickle fans. his record so far is 5 games, 2 goals, 1 point. when Big Sam was achieving better results the fans were singing 'you don't know what you're doing' to him! Keegan was excellent as a player for club and country but that does NOT make him a manager. so:

hero or zero?

how long before the 'fans' turn on Keegan?

how long before he walks away when once again he realises he's not man enough for the job?

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.

However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with CookingPlus and Cleanhouse2008.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week.

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2007, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2007, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please!

why?

Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis

Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis

i've got two:

1) the nottingham crest on my right forearm

2) a daisy on my left bum cheek........well it was a daisy when i had it done but looks more like a giant sunflower now!

i think it's an old Spanish or Portugese song........i heard a dance version of it in Majorca & i need the title so i can find & download it.

they were there yesterday morning.