Dan

I do NOT want to share.

I can't find it.  help.

I was raised vegan but am horribly malnourished.  Need some actual protein.  Thinking about killing the family cow (it's a pet, we don't milk it or anything, we rescued it when my parents burned down a dairy farm) and grilling some steaks.  Need slaughtering tips.

Why aren't wigs public?

I believe that people can be reincarnated as other people's body parts and each part has its own soul. My great-uncle Kevin is typing this question as he is one of my hand souls. My dog Baxter is my other hand, that's why this takes so long, he can't remember the alphabet. But lately I've been feeling like my feet need more than the life I'm giving them and need to be free to smell something besides my shoes. So if you just give my company the money they'll stop.

I been practicin like a mofo and watch all these youtube videos of guitar players. Hendrix, Metheny, Van Halen, Michael J. Fox from Back to the Future (that movie is some dope s***, yo, I want hair like that Doc Brown, but d*mn, man, Marty almost banged his mom furreals). But I been watchin them videos and doin what they do but I can't shred s***.

I'm 34.

There blogs about everything, yo. Go on that askjeeves s*** and u find like blogs about how to make food outta animals that shouldn't be no food. It's like, somebody just sittin there waitin for my question about Chilean monkey taxidermy and BOOM! They write a blog. Making new pants out of old shirts? H*** yes, son! Blogged. How did people know I was gonna ask that? I didn't know until I did! Them internet folks must be d*** psychics, yo. That some fresh s***.

Where do I store my assorted mannequin parts?

Vitamin Deficiency? Vitamin "D"? I don't want those.

Are they real?

It only happens when I'm having a bowel movement. And only in my own bathroom, never in a public one, but maybe I'm getting interference from the toilet seat covers. Oh, and it also only happens when I'm on shrooms.

Do I need to take painkillers first so that it doesn't hurt? My mom says I don't have nerves in toenails but I'm pretty sure she is full of bulls*** and is just waiting to hear me scream so she can laugh at me.

I've always felt like a tall person in a short person's body. I better identify with tall people, I love basketball, and am attracted to tall women. The only time I ever really feel comfortable is when I'm standing on a stool talking to my tall friends eye to eye. Do I have height identity issues? Is it all in my head or was I born in the wrong body?