?

I hate summer I with the damn loud music booming out cars the damn flys and other bugs and always sweating and I hate douche bag guys walking around with no shirt on. Yes I know I'm ranting on but if you live in the city you know what I mean anyway what do you like better summer or winter and why?

Also, what do you do when these days come?

Or ask a another crazy question?

Would you feel justified defending yourself against......

1 A mentally disabled person.

2 Someone smaller or thinner than you.

3 Elderly person.

1 A morman knocks on door

2 A jehovah witness knocks on door

3 Halloween trick or treaters knocks on door

-___-

-_- just wondering.......

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of middle school girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the

top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.

You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his

lungs, "What do you mean $200!!!"

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town.

Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniel's. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window.

Much to everybody's surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar.

The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.

"Easy," says the man. "Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window."

"Wow," says the man at the bar. "I gotta try this." He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death.

"Geez, Superman," says the bartender. "You can be a real a jerk when you're drunk."

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

whats black when you get it red when you use and gray when you throw it away?

a murderer is sentence to death he has 3 rooms to chose from the first 1st is a room full terrorist with loaded guns the 2nd is a room with a electric chair and the 3rd is a room with 3 lions that haven't eaten in three years...which room is the safest room for him