My 16 year old son is in juvenile detention right now. He has been smoking pot, drinking, failing at school and recently took my car and his father's (we have been divorced since he was 10) out for a ride in the middle of the night. He doesn't have a license because I haven't allowed it because of his behavior. He is an exceptionally smart boy, very handsome and popular but has gotten on the wrong path. I am heartbroken. His father and I have decided that once he is released from "juvey" we will send him to a wilderness program 3 hours from our home. It is very expensive ($40,000 for a year) but has a high success rate. My son, of course, is adamantly opposed to this and threatens to do something that will get him kicked out. I feel like this is our last chance to give him a future, but am terrified that this, too, will not change him. He is and always has been VERY strong-willed. What are your thoughts on sending him to this school?
Carrie R2007-08-10T19:51:02Z
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I would sent him. I had some trouble with my 15yr son as well, nothing anywhere close to this, but some local issues. He too is very smart and the head honcho in school, but sometimes he makes stupid decisions. In October he got himself into big trouble and I put him on "house arrest" for 6ms. He had to stay in his room except to go to school and lost all privileges. He slowly had to earn them back and is doing wonderfully now. My husband went through one of these camps as a kid and told my son if he ever screwed up again, he was going too. My husband went when he was 16 for getting caught 3 times spray painting on his high school gym wall and breaking into a car (on a dare he claims =]). He went and still to this day RAVES about how much he LOVED IT in the end and how much it taught him. As strong-willed as your son may be, so are 95% of all those kids there and many of those have the goal or trying to get themselves kicked out. The kid down the street who is a year older than my oldest daughter, so I guess around, 18-19yrs went to one of these wilderness/school things for an entire year when he was 15yrs old. He was a MONSTER, constantly getting into trouble and hurting others. He didn't listen to anyone, was constantly back talking. His final move was when he stole the family car, ran through a stop sign and was pulled over by a cop for doing so. They found drugs in the back of the car. His parents are the sweetest people I know and have another son my son's age. He went away for a year and came back completely changed. He had manners, called everyone sir and ma'am, started doing extremely well in school and was someone you could be proud of. I remember the first time he spoke to me when he came back. I went to get the mail and he was sitting on his front lawn across the street and said "Hi Mrs. Rizzionni. How are you?" I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know he knew my name! He finished high school top 30% of his class and went on to college. His parents are happy and so is he. I'm sure you're son will come back a changed person. He's young and they have A LOT of guidance up there, people who don't put up with any crap and know how to break these kids down. I wish you the best of luck with your son.
My first husbands 15 year old son was killed when the stolen car he was riding in hit a phone pole. The 16 year old driver of the car lived. I would research the wilderness program very well and even do checks to see if they have every had bad things happen there. See if they can put you in contact with parents that have sent their children there. You can never be to careful when it comes to your children. He needs help and he needs it now. The main things is to be sure that he gets the help he needs. I suspect he has many unresolved issues. Please be receptive when you find out what they are and gently and lovingly help him to resolve them. No matter what you decide upon you are in my prayers.
Its kinda late but the problem is your son doesn't respect you. Sending him away will not improve this UNLESS you want him to respect someone else. Sending him away tells him basically 2 things. You have no control over him and don't want it AND to avoid problems and not deal with them.Strong willed? so you basically mean hes never done what you have wanted or asked of him. By the time a child is 16 he needs to respect and love you. you cant threaten, ask or beg him to obey you now. You need to gain respect from him and give it to him. the way you should have been doing his whole life. Imsure you can tell that I don't think sending him away will help. It will be hard but you need to talk to your son. Its hard because you have to talk to him as an almost adult, your child but most importantly someone you love and care about. You need to keep in mind that you are responsible for the way he acts. He of course has made choices but you should have gained his trust and respect early in order to have more say in how he turned out. Once a child has learned the stages to discipline. Its really hard to get them to feel theres anything they cant do. Talk about the reasons for good decisions. Sorry if I sound mean but kids are the obvious future and should be treated with the importance they deserve. And again if you didnt notice I have no trouble giving advise on this supject and weather you agree or disagree, if you wish to discuss it further email me anytime
This may be a little long but I can feel your pain and frustration.
My son is 14 and is in juvenile detention (youth home) right now for a very serious crime of csc 2 on my step daughter. I had tried getting the courts involved before this but they wouldn't do anything becasue i dont have very much money, they basically told me that he was my problem . Our sons physcarist requested he be placed in a resdential treatment place in april, in june is when all this came out.
Of course I have tried everything through my sons life to change this behavior, including giving up a good paying job and staying home with him, I have taken parenting classes and he and the family has been in therapy for 8 years on and off. WE have sat in school with him, and you name it I proably tired it except having the resource to send him to this kinda of place you are talking about.
Please give it a try because if you dont show him that you love him by trying to make him follow rules and laws it proably wont change. I called the law to my son and believe me , it was the hardest thing to do.
now my son that is 14 is looking at a 25 year sentence, has to register as a sex offender, and his life as well as the whole families life has changed because of things that could might of been prevented if they would of helped.
I urge you with all my heart and soul to do this program, you may be saving your son from a much harder life. If I could of finacially afford this I might of could of saved my son, now I have to sit here and know that my sons fate is in the hands of one judge. (he plead guility to have a lesser charge becasue it was first degree ) He is guilty, and he needs help but my son is a very sick little boy that has lost his whole life because no one would listen to his mom, because he was my problem and becasue of money I have lost.
Dont lose your son if you have any ability to do this program , do it , he may hate you for now but he will thank you when he is not spending the rest of his life behind bars or never gets to see the light of day ..
May god be with you. .....I know your struggle all to well...
By the way my son is adhd and is mentally they say 8-9. And this is what he is facing .
Well it think instead of sending him away you should all be in counseling. It sounds like he needs some attention BAD. He also may need some kind of rehab. That can help him kick the drugs drinking and the bad relationships. There are support groups out there for ppl who are codependant there is probably a group for kids who need to get there life straight. I honestly think that sending him away is the WORST thing you can do. Right now he needs you not some drill sgt breaking his spirit.