My son's life is a mess?

I would sent him. I had some trouble with my 15yr son as well, nothing anywhere close to this, but some local issues. He too is very smart and the head honcho in school, but sometimes he makes stupid decisions. In October he got himself into big trouble and I put him on "house arrest" for 6ms. He had to stay in his room except to go to school and lost all privileges. He slowly had to earn them back and is doing wonderfully now.

My husband went through one of these camps as a kid and told my son if he ever screwed up again, he was going too. My husband went when he was 16 for getting caught 3 times spray painting on his high school gym wall and breaking into a car (on a dare he claims =]). He went and still to this day RAVES about how much he LOVED IT in the end and how much it taught him.

As strong-willed as your son may be, so are 95% of all those kids there and many of those have the goal or trying to get themselves kicked out. The kid down the street who is a year older than my oldest daughter, so I guess around, 18-19yrs went to one of these wilderness/school things for an entire year when he was 15yrs old. He was a MONSTER, constantly getting into trouble and hurting others. He didn't listen to anyone, was constantly back talking. His final move was when he stole the family car, ran through a stop sign and was pulled over by a cop for doing so. They found drugs in the back of the car. His parents are the sweetest people I know and have another son my son's age.

He went away for a year and came back completely changed. He had manners, called everyone sir and ma'am, started doing extremely well in school and was someone you could be proud of. I remember the first time he spoke to me when he came back. I went to get the mail and he was sitting on his front lawn across the street and said "Hi Mrs. Rizzionni. How are you?" I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know he knew my name! He finished high school top 30% of his class and went on to college. His parents are happy and so is he.

I'm sure you're son will come back a changed person. He's young and they have A LOT of guidance up there, people who don't put up with any crap and know how to break these kids down. I wish you the best of luck with your son.

My first husbands 15 year old son was killed when the stolen car he was riding in hit a phone pole. The 16 year old driver of the car lived. I would research the wilderness program very well and even do checks to see if they have every had bad things happen there. See if they can put you in contact with parents that have sent their children there. You can never be to careful when it comes to your children. He needs help and he needs it now. The main things is to be sure that he gets the help he needs. I suspect he has many unresolved issues. Please be receptive when you find out what they are and gently and lovingly help him to resolve them. No matter what you decide upon you are in my prayers.

Its kinda late but the problem is your son doesn't respect you. Sending him away will not improve this UNLESS you want him to respect someone else. Sending him away tells him basically 2 things. You have no control over him and don't want it AND to avoid problems and not deal with them.Strong willed? so you basically mean hes never done what you have wanted or asked of him. By the time a child is 16 he needs to respect and love you. you cant threaten, ask or beg him to obey you now. You need to gain respect from him and give it to him. the way you should have been doing his whole life. Imsure you can tell that I don't think sending him away will help. It will be hard but you need to talk to your son. Its hard because you have to talk to him as an almost adult, your child but most importantly someone you love and care about. You need to keep in mind that you are responsible for the way he acts. He of course has made choices but you should have gained his trust and respect early in order to have more say in how he turned out. Once a child has learned the stages to discipline. Its really hard to get them to feel theres anything they cant do. Talk about the reasons for good decisions. Sorry if I sound mean but kids are the obvious future and should be treated with the importance they deserve. And again if you didnt notice I have no trouble giving advise on this supject and weather you agree or disagree, if you wish to discuss it further email me anytime

This may be a little long but I can feel your pain and frustration.

My son is 14 and is in juvenile detention (youth home) right now for a very serious crime of csc 2 on my step daughter. I had tried getting the courts involved before this but they wouldn't do anything becasue i dont have very much money, they basically told me that he was my problem . Our sons physcarist requested he be placed in a resdential treatment place in april, in june is when all this came out.

Of course I have tried everything through my sons life to change this behavior, including giving up a good paying job and staying home with him, I have taken parenting classes and he and the family has been in therapy for 8 years on and off. WE have sat in school with him, and you name it I proably tired it except having the resource to send him to this kinda of place you are talking about.

Please give it a try because if you dont show him that you love him by trying to make him follow rules and laws it proably wont change. I called the law to my son and believe me , it was the hardest thing to do.

now my son that is 14 is looking at a 25 year sentence, has to register as a sex offender, and his life as well as the whole families life has changed because of things that could might of been prevented if they would of helped.

I urge you with all my heart and soul to do this program, you may be saving your son from a much harder life. If I could of finacially afford this I might of could of saved my son, now I have to sit here and know that my sons fate is in the hands of one judge. (he plead guility to have a lesser charge becasue it was first degree ) He is guilty, and he needs help but my son is a very sick little boy that has lost his whole life because no one would listen to his mom, because he was my problem and becasue of money I have lost.

Dont lose your son if you have any ability to do this program , do it , he may hate you for now but he will thank you when he is not spending the rest of his life behind bars or never gets to see the light of day ..

May god be with you. .....I know your struggle all to well...

By the way my son is adhd and is mentally they say 8-9. And this is what he is facing .

Well it think instead of sending him away you should all be in counseling. It sounds like he needs some attention BAD. He also may need some kind of rehab. That can help him kick the drugs drinking and the bad relationships. There are support groups out there for ppl who are codependant there is probably a group for kids who need to get there life straight. I honestly think that sending him away is the WORST thing you can do. Right now he needs you not some drill sgt breaking his spirit.

It is your money--your son--your decision. But me?? I don't see how 16 years of trouble will be washed up and flushed away in a few weeks. Of course they tout the success--do you think 40 grand will be spent on failure stories?? I am sure a few do well--but I think the whole thing is too little too late. Like I said--that's how it seems to ME. Your son lacks self esteem, and has no respect for himself or you--he is doing it to get your attention--crazy as that might sound. He doesn't like himself, you, or the life that he has--that is why he is doing this stuff. He is mad at the world. What you need to do is to talk to him calmly and find out what he is thinking--why is he mad..the divorce?? The lack or normalcy in his life.?? The lack of family like everyone else has?? He has no idea what being 16 entails--what is expected of a 16 year old--what YOU expect from him--he needs boundries to be set--limits to be drawn---rules to live by. He needs to talk to you--not a cold, impersonal stranger making big money. Spending money does not prove love. It just shows him that shipping him off is another way for you two to not take responsibility for him. That is part of what he hates. He can be shown that 16 is a step closer to responsible adult life--mature-grown up stuff is his responsibility now. Driving is a grown up step--he can't drive until he shows grown up acceptance of this activity. School is the passport to a successful adult life--failing is NOT an option--getting an education ensures a nice future--he has to know that adult grown up lives are all an attitude--wanting to make the right decisions--making a family--having a decent job. Drinking and drug use are adult decisions--not very good but moderation is an adult choice--he is not capable of such choices but he does them anyway. He has to know that these are no way to escape the crummy life. my guess is he hangs with kids that are just as maladjusted and probably from divorced family situations. they too are not getting guidence from home. So they all hang and talk and rebel the same way. He needs to see that he is not solving a thing doing this stuff---he needs to agree that adults choose a better way to solve their issues. It is all in making him feel like an adult--ready to move to a higher plain in life--time to grow up and stop the stupid silly behavior--and you better admit that you are at some fault and are sorry for some of this stuff. Wilderness??? NO WAY--YOU are the parents--DO YOUR JOB. Good luck with all this--but you can do it

If it was my son I'd do whatever I have to do. I am also guessing he's doing this to play with you. The counselors and adminstration at these sorts of places expect your son to act out. In fact, they are trained to deal with that. I really don't know what he could do to get kicked out. That is the behavior you are paying to modify.

If he does behave that way it's to your advantage. The worst he could do is be a goody two shoes. If he did that there would be no behavior to modify and he wouldn't change.

It's your money but I would exhaust all other options first.

Have you tried counselling? He may have things he needs to get off his chest.

Changing schools? Taking him away from the people who are badly influencing him.

Bribing and rewarding him?

Taking him to a careers advisor? This way he will see how important school is if he wants a decent job.

Taken him to a specialist? He may have a medical condition eg. ADD.

But if you have tried everything you can think of, it may be your last option. Good luck.

Wow, your letter described me, at that age, to a T. I had great, loving parents. I was very smart. I was popular. I took the wrong path too. I went in and out of juvenile detention for a couple of years, for stupid, petty crimes. I eventually ended up in prison at age 19......because all of my small crimes started to add up to felonies. Nothing violent. Just stealing booze and stuff from stores......stuff like that. I ended up in a Fire Camp, where we worked doing community service type stuff in the winter, and fighting fires during the fire season. I'm talking front line firefighting. It was the absolute, greatest experience of my life.

It proved to me that I had the capabilities to be a productive member of society, and that I had leadership skills. A lot of times, young people, no matter how popular they are with their peers, are uncertain of how they will be able to handle " growing up".

He may go into the wilderness program kicking and screaming, but once he starts to gain some self esteem, from conquering some of the challenges he'll face there, he'll feel better about himself than he ever has. He may still hate it.......because he's missing his friends.....but he will feel great about the things that he's accomplishing there. Trust me.....I saw hundreds of young guys.....even hard core gang bangers, gain tons of self esteem from fighting fires.

I can't tell you if a program, like the one you described, will " fix " him or not. He could freak out......run away....and hate you forever. Just thought I'd tell you my experience.

By age 24 I got my head completely out of my @ss. I'm 39 now. I have a great job, and a great family. I still look fondly on my days at the fire camp.......even if it was a " forced incarrceration". It helped me to become a man.

Well... where you do see yourself in his life and in the choices that he makes? Is it possible that the relationship that you have with him, the one he has with his dad, and the one you have with your ex have played a role in the way your son behaves? Have you tried family or individual brief therapy yet? I would think that emotional/psychological counseling and guidance for one year costs much less than a $40,000 wilderness (and very emotionally isolated from family) experience. Good luck.