What do you think of my poem written now awhile ?

Window
I look out of my window bar,
And behold in the sky a small lark,
Winging its way hither and far,
Seems like on ocean a tiny bark.

The sky is grey and creeper green,
The rain has wept through out the day,
Even the day before, the same was seen,
It is cool and calm they all do say.

The sky in east slowly, its shroud
Casts away, so that its face is blue,
And Poseidon with his roar loud
Looks on, with anxiety and anger too.

Wither O Lord do I look far away,
From my window in my soul deep?
Are there also bars that deny the way?
Surely thy light shall emerge and peep.

Usurp not the kingdom of God O man,
March ahead and lift the soul's ban. ( 17-10-96. )

2008-06-14T09:10:50Z

i am amazed by the nos. of votes which are pouring !

2008-06-14T09:15:03Z

I am sorry, these votes have come for the other question and I got all mixed up

Anonymous2008-06-11T11:15:03Z

Favorite Answer

i like it, i like how you described the colour and actions of the sky.

please comment mine :) http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqjRV1Tcugpw0iwB_.3dzXjROhh.;_ylv=3?qid=20080611101504AAJNci0

© ♪♫♪ tori ♫♪♫2008-06-11T11:17:14Z

You have some vivid descriptions in the poem, but you need to build a tighter and stronger segue into the Gods or God -- I'm not sure which way you are going.

Anonymous2008-06-11T11:29:50Z

I think you should say Neptune instead of Poseidon. They are the same god, ones greek and the other roman. Neptune only has two syllables and I think it would flow better. I think its very good though.