Advice from parents of gay children..?

My son is 14 and recently told me that he is gay. I told him what I felt in my heart which is that it didn't matter to me at all, I love him , am proud of him and I'm glad he talked to me about it. I asked him if he had any questions for me or anything else he wanted to share and he said no. We hugged and that was that.
Now I find that I am feeling afraid and extra protective of him; afraid that someone will hurt him or embarrass him or not accept him for the wonderful person he is. He goes to an Art Academy and is very talented, smart and has tons of friends. Sometimes he wears clothes that I feel might cause ridicule but it doesn't seem to bother him, so I don't say anything.
I also have a problem with sleepovers now. My older son has a girlfriend and has several times asked me if she can spend the night. I always say no, but my younger son has girls stay the night. When my older son mentions this I tell him that his brother is gay and having girls stay is obviously different for him (BTW my older son is fine with his brother's "gayness" ). The boys who stay over are long time friends and not gay to my knowledge.
My other issue is this: is this something that I should tell people? Of course, I have talked to my close friends and family but sometimes feel like I am ashamed because I'm not telling everyone and it makes me ashamed to think I'm ashamed! Oh my!
Can anyone give me any advice about things I should or should not be saying or doing for my son? Thank you.

Anonymous2008-09-20T18:26:39Z

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First of all, I'm gay and 15. And I just want to say that your acceptance of your son is very important to him. It's good that you are cool about it. My parents don't know that I'm gay, but if they did and were ok with it, I wouldn't want them to be protective of me. I want to be treated like everyone else. I would like to hear things like "We're so proud of you" and "We love you." Even if he acts like he doesn't care when you say these things, believe me, he does care and he probably wants to hear them. Also, I advise you to allow both sons to have sleepovers with whatever gender they want. It's not alright to tell one son to have girls over while the other one can't. Your straight son might take offense to this, and direct his anger toward your gay son (homophobia). So anyway, I would say to treat both sons equally. Again, kudos for your open-mindedness! =)

Jerry J2008-09-20T18:32:43Z

Wow!! An understanding parent. Congratulations!! I definitely would not tell anyone about his sexual preferences since I am sure he told you in confidence, and it is HIS decision as to whether he wants others to know.

I would suggest that you treat both of your sons the same, regardless of their sexual preferences. I assume you are at home with them at night. I am sure you would let your oldest son have other boys stay over too. Otherwise you may end up alienating them later on. Whatever you do don't treat your gay son like a baby! Just be the same parent you were before he told you he was gay.

Lots of luck--not that you will need it. I think your acceptance is great. Understanding parents are hard to come by these days.

What'd You Say?2008-09-20T18:24:49Z

I'm glad that your son felt that he could tell you that he's gay at the age of 14 years old. My mom asked me if I were gay at 14 and I denied it. Then I knew people already suspected me of being gay and I felt that the majority of people didn't like me because I was gay and some people who I thought were cool would even make comments about gay people. This was during the 90's and I guess times are changing at a lot has happen since I was a teenager. You don't need to tell people that you're son is gay. He is 14 and needs time to grow into himself. He can tell anyone that he wants to know. You shouldn't feel ashamed at all.

just a girl2008-09-20T20:48:51Z

By the way you sounds like an awesome parent.
Im sure many of the teens answering this question would have loved their parents to react the same way as you did.

Im 16 (not a parent, sorry but I think this will help) and coming from my knowlegde and experience.. I think you should just go with the flow... thes a cliche but its honest.

People son enought will figure out you sons gay especially if he shows it with his clothes etc..

Jordy2008-09-20T18:20:04Z

I think it's really great what you've done for him so far
I think that all gay children wish they had parents like you.

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