If you show interest in a man does he think you want to sleep with him, NOW?
I have been a widow for 5 years now, one that wants to go on with life and does things to keep busy. I have met someone who I see on a limited but regular basis. He has expressed an interest in me and we just recently spoke on the phone. He wants us to go out for lunch or dinner and I think I would like to do that, but I also think I liked the idea better before we talked on the phone. He talked about taking pictures of darkskinned women with large asses. It set off an alarm. Perhaps I am old fashioned but I did not like him using that word and did I mention he was talking about nude photo's.
I am thinking that while part of me would like to go out with him to see more, part of me is saying you have already seen all you need to see. Since the limited but re occurring contact will continue I am thinking that perhaps I should not go out with him at all because that could be misunderstood and I will still have to see him again. He is the doorman at the building where I attend a monthly gathering. We have talked on that hello good by basis for a couple of years.
I have not been in the dating game since the 70's so I was wondering had things changed so much. Is it now just expected that to show interest means you are willing to sleep with them right this moment. I like to sleep with friends, but I want to be friends first. Is that too old fashioned for today? This situation has just made me realize that I am a single woman, not a married one now. I an not really a prude, I used to really love to have sex but the last time was in 2004 and only with my husband for 30+years before that. Perhaps I am just not ready or not for this time, but the whole conversation seemed a bit crude to me and I was a little offended. Is this par for today's course?
HJW2010-05-15T07:23:52Z
Favorite Answer
You have waited that long to date again just skip the pervert and wait for a nicer man to come around... How vulgar ! Not all men act this way believe me.
Actually, most women are flattered by a man's interest if it is shown in an appropriate manner (and if both people are single). But women can easily be scared off if it is too much; most of us have had a stalker or some overly aggressive attention at some point and that makes us wary if too much interest is shown too soon. We can actually be in physical danger if some overly aggressive guy gets the wrong idea, and then get blamed for "leading him on" if we had shown any interest to begin with. So we have to be careful. So here's my advice. Express your interest in a subtle manner such as prolonged eye contact, smiling, etc, and if that gets a positive response you can slowly move up from there, with more overt flirtation, etc. If at any point it does not get a response, back off. This way you're not setting up yourself up for rejection, either. It's much easier to back down when your flirting doesn't get a response than go full out declaring your feelings for her and get shot down. So just take it slow and see if she's interested and reciprocates at each level before you step it up. Best wishes.
I suppose if you want to get to know him more, have a few dates. Don't allow him to make you feel pressured. Since you feel there may be some issues with this man, I would consider paying for my own dinner when you went out, at least until you feel comfortable. This way he won't make you feel you are 'obligated,' should he want an intimate relationship. His comments might be a red flag that needs to monitored by you carefully, to be watchful of. Just keep your guard up and listen carefully to what he says, his opinions about people and subjects. You are not committed to him, so this puts you in control of whether you care to see him in the future should he present himself in a not so good light to you. I feel today most young men do feel that sex is a part of the relationship from the git go, but there are also some men of mature age that feel this way as well. Use your common sense and don't rush into anything. You remain in control of your feelings etc. There are some good guys out there, don't settle for less.
Mem are still men no matter what the age and a lot of them have gotten the idea that they will be just as exciting as when they were young if only they were 'on' these new medications that are advertised today. There are men that turn out to be dirty old men and you have to be careful of those as they think that they are no longer responsible. Also, there are those men that are looking for someone to cook their meals, clean for them and take care of them because they never had it any other way. Go out with a guy if you want to but if I were you I would keep it on that basis alone, and unless you think you are really benefiting forget the rest. It is time to stop Mothering these old coots and let them take you places, be in your company, but cut off the rest of the bull.
Even when I was younger, bars were akin to a meat market where everybody went to meet their night's piece of meat. (Sorry for the frankness) I remember as a teen, a goodnight kiss on a first date was kind of expected if it was a good date, even if it wasn't a boyfriend, girlfriend kind of date and was just for fun. I read an article several years ago about a study on today's dating amongst teens. According to what it said, Oral sex among teens today is about as common as that goodnight kiss was when i was a teen. In my opinion, this guy you're talking about, is looking for more than just a casual date. He said what he said, the way he said it, just to get your reaction. Since you didn't put him in his place and tell him to go take a Flying leap, you can bet he has high expectations of having his way with you. Not only would I advise you not to go out with him, I would advise you to have nothing more to do with him even via e-mail. This man sounds like a predator.