Boundaries with parents and college students?

Question

I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm curious to get input from other parents about what this whole parent/"child" thing should look like now.

Here's the deal:

Yesterday, I lost my cell phone and wasn't able to get it back until this morning. My parents were apparently trying to call/text me, but obviously I didn't get their messages. So my mom Facebook messaged my RA AND another girl from our floor (before trying to contact me via Facebook or e-mail) because she thought maybe I was dead or something. (I had a bad headache the day before, so she was afraid I had a brain aneurysm or something.)

Today when I talked to her, she said she thought it was great that she could talk to my friends on Facebook this year, because last year my RA wasn't real receptive to talking with parents. When I asked what she meant, she said "Well, when we dropped you off on your first day, I tried to leave my name and phone number with Joanne (my RA), and she said that she couldn't do that and you guys were adults." (She apparently thought this was a bad thing; I totally agreed with Joanne!)

So what's your opinion? Where's the balance between being concerned parents and letting go and letting your kids grow up? Because personally, I feel like my mom has violated some boundaries here, but obviously I don't see these things from a parent's perspective.

Chloe · Accepted Answer

I remember one time in college I was studying at the house of a friend of a friend of a friend.  Someone NO ONE in my family even knew existed... and the girl's mom comes in & tells me I have a phone call, I'm like, WTF.... My grandmother must have made 20 some ohone calls to find out where I was.  This was before cell phones existed.  And of course all it was was "I just wanted to see if you are okay."  Duh, I am 20 and studying for finals in the middle of the afternoon.  I was so freakin embarrassed.  Guess it was kind of funny though.  Take it in stride, better then them not givving a rat's behind, 'eh?

Be Different! · Answer

I have no problem letting my kids grow up, provided they have demonstrated they are responsible.  I know they will make SOME bad decisions (as I did when I was younger, and still do today)- BUT if they own up to their responsibilities, and tell me the truth, I will trust them to the ends of the earth.  

BY the same token, when I believe they are deliberately trying to deceive me, then they cannot be as easily trusted.  If I am paying for their college, they have a responsibility to ME to tell me the truth, keep me informed, and return calls.  I have a responsibility to THEM to treat them as responsible adults, until they prove otherwise.

Boundaries with parents and college students?

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