My 18 year old son broke down crying because his girlfriend of 3 years left him. What can I do to help him?
My 18 year old son is in his first year at the local community college here in Scottsdale. He just recently graduated high school, and he has been with his girlfriend for the last 3 and a half years through high school. They were pretty much inseparable, went to high school dances, football games, the prom together, etc. However, today he came home and was in a pretty bad mood, started yelling saying things weren't fair, and he never did anything to deserve this. I finally got him to calm down and sit down and explain to me what he was talking about, and that's when he just lost it. My son just broke down in tears crying saying his girlfriend broke up with him and that she didn't want to be with him because she has found someone else who can make her happier. He told me she barely gave him a reason, and that he tried asking her what he did wrong to her and she just told him it was over. I honestly didn't know what to say to my son about this, except tell him everything will be ok. I just let him cry it out on my shoulder.
My wife has been trying to make our son happy all night, and get him to open up a little or maybe call his now ex-girlfriend and just try and talk to her, but he said no, he is too upset. I personally think he should maybe let her go. I don't want my boy hurt anymore. I couldn't stand seeing my son cry like that. I felt so helpless for him and it really broke my heart. I want to make him feel better and try and get his mind off this, but I'm worried its to soon. He's just been acting all depressed, not wanting to do anything and just laying either on the couch or on his bed crying. I want my son to feel better, but I know its going to take time. I don't know how else I can help him.
Anonymous2010-10-04T23:18:31Z
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The last thing you should do is call his ex and get you and your wife involved in this. He's 18 years old, and this will definitely not be the last girl he will love. I think we all have been in that situation before and we can relate. Time heals all wounds and the best thing you can do is to let him know you both are there for him. Give him his space, but definitely keep a good eye on him. I think an 18 year old has a hard time relating to parents who are married, so I would suggest letting him talk to his buds about it. To keep in the loop of things, try and see if you can get his friends to update you on his progress.
3 and a half years is a long time for someone that young. Maybe you can try and see if you all can go on a family vacation? Maybe something you all did when he was younger? The main point of the vacation is to let him know that life moves on and that he can enjoy life on his own (of course, eventually he will find someone to enjoy it with). Sometimes being in a different environment with different people can really help a lot. Definitely share your stories of heartache or of other relatives' experiences.
But for now, I doubt he will want to open up until he feels ready to talk about it. I don't know if all guys are like this, but a lot of my guy friends and boyfriend tend to want to have their space to think things over -- too "cool off" the situation. Also, another thing that helped me when I was trying to get over something serious was that I kept busy. I realized the more I stayed in my room, cry about stuff or just be "idle", the worse I felt. But, the more busy I became, the happier I felt because it kept me distracted. At that time, I was pretty much part of many high school organizations, sports, band and had a part-time job (on top of that, I had college entrance exams and school work).
I'm sure he'll get over it soon, because he's in college. College was the BEST time of my life! I was happy to be single actually, because then I could meet new people, go out with my friends and just do what I want without feeling "bad" about it because of someone.
I think you're doing a good job, and you and your wife are wonderful to have so much love for this boy! I think parental love is the most important.
Heartbreak is rite of passage. It's so excruciating that one can't help but learn from it. You're right: this is going to take time. Don't let your wife patronize him by trying to cheer him up as if this were just a driving test he failed or a bad audition or an embarrassing moment at school. Take his feelings very seriously. This is a very serious situation. Simply be there with him. Let him know you're there for him and encourage him to talk, like you've been doing. Really listen. Let him cry- he probably will over and over and over again. It's fine. It's completely normal, healthy, and appropriate for the situation. I'm sure both you and your wife's hearts have been broken before; offer him some wisdom. Hug him and sit with him a lot. Exercise is a good idea. Perhaps you should start an exercise routine with him. Start feeding him foods that contain serotonin. Get him a sleep aid if he's having trouble sleeping. Let him have some time alone, but when you're with him, make sure he feels your love.
umm, I'm not a parent or anything. But I'm eighteen and I know the general feeling and I think you handled it really well. I wish I could tell you something else, but it's just going to hurt for a while. I agree with you, it sounds like maybe he should let her go, but I think he has to come that decision. Honestly, the fact that he trusted you and your wife to open up to you that much is really a lot... I mean, I don't know your family dynamics, but I know that I hardly let my parent's into my relationships and definitely not that much. I'd give him a little space, but still be there for him if he needs you. I think that's all that can be done. and I think you are doing the best you could do.
I am not a parent, but I think break-ups, especially those that involve such long-term relationships are always very difficult. All I can tell you is that it will be hard to cheer him up at this point, but try your best. If there is anything you like to do in family, to do it more often... Keep him busy, either with you, or with his own friends.
As to his girlfriend, she might or might not come back in his life somewhere down the road - it's a common tale. But for now, maybe he will be happier seeing other people, maybe not - he will have to find out for himself.
Help him in any way you can - and always listen! Best of luck for you and your son!
If the both of you are willing, then you should try getting him to go out with you to get his mind off her, Go to a football or basketball game. Or go fishing or hunting. Something that he will enjoy that gets him a little breathing time. If he is ready to talk to anyone he'll talk, Personally i think right now you should let him cry as much as he wants in awhile he will feel better, and realize that she probably didn't care about him as much as he cared for her.Give him time and he will be ready to take on the world.