My 18 year old son broke down crying because his girlfriend of 3 years left him. What can I do to help him?

I'm not sure why your wife was "trying to make" your son happy. It is a very sad time of mourning for him. This is a soul crushing loss. And to have him call the ex - is she trying to make him into a stalker? There is no reason to call the ex - she was clear in her desire to end the relationship and your wife's suggestions are troubling. I like your approach, let the hurting dear cry on your shoulder.

While the relationship was very positive for your son, the length of it did not allow him to experience a break up and to know that life goes on. This is where parenting comes in - you need to remind him that this is a loss, and it is normal to go through mourning the loss - and healthy too. The depth of his pain shows that he is capable of forming very close bonds - which is also a very good thing. Remind him that his ability to love is a good thing, and that while the pain is much worse when if relationship ends, vulnerability in a relationship is a brave and wonderful thing and speaks volumes about his character - and that he will one day meet someone with this same capacity to love and connect. He has what it takes to be a lovely husband one day. Encourage him to remember who he is, and that a painful breakup should not interfere with his future capacity to love. Once time starts to do its work, and the pain lessens, remind him again. You raised a wonderful boy! Let him wallow for a bit!

There really is nothing you can do.

Im sure you have been through it when you were younger yourself. Having a long term relationship that breaks up for no reason is something i had to endure when i was in my early 20's.

A simple " i dont feel the same way" response from the ex girlfriend after a four year relationship is what i got. Even though i treated her very well, in fact i was a real gentleman.

it just happens.

It also sometimes takes years to get over.

You can try and cheer him up. But you also know, that there are times when he will be sitting silently just thinking about it. Lying in bed at night, and it will go through his mind.

His mind will be thinking where it went wrong, how he could have done things differently had he approached something a different way.

Its all thoughts which achieve nothing. Especially if he genuinely was the good person he was throught the relationship. Sometimes it just does not work out.

There is also the situation where , he could be reluctant to even enter into another relationship in future, just in case it happened again. To lose everything so suddenly. It really does hurt the nerves.

And thats what it comes down to, the nerves.

Within that lies the solution.

Now that he is on his own, he will learn independance. You said it yourself, he has been with her for a very long time, even since he was younger. He does not know what its like to be emotionally independant person. That is something that makes you stronger.

So when later in life, something of that nature happens again. His nerves can take the hard hit.

When it happened to me in my early 20's. it was really hard, to the point i did not have another relationship for another five years after that. Just dates and flings in between. i could not commit.

However when my ex girlfriend broke up with me after the long term four year relationship i made sure to send a very strong message to her and her family. That i was not to blame.

I sent a bunch of flowers to her mother, thanking her for all the support she had given me over the years. And also sent my ex girlfriend some flowers a bit later.

Why did i do that?

Because i wanted to be remembered as a gentleman. Her mother would realise what her daughter had lost. And the girl would also look back in a few years time and realise what she had lost.

For the record, she did call me 8 years after the break up. Asking me " how was i doing, and if i wanted to come over".

I laughed, as i was getting married in a month to a wonderdul woman who appreciated me.

Now i been happily married 7 years.

Mainly just comfort him. Maybe tell him a story of when your heart was broken. Let him know that your there for him. It wasn't right for the girl to break up with him with basically no excuse but that she found someone that makes her more happy. She will get her come around soon. Karma! Your son will soon be happy again and hey maybe a new girl will drop into his life and make him happy. Who knows maybe his ex will want him back. First heartbreaks are always the hardest. I cried in my Grandmas arms and she felt like you did. She actually called my ex and told him to give me a better reason as to why he broke up with me and if he wasn't man enough to give me a good answer or respect then to never call me ever again. Thankfully your son has you and your wife. Just try and be by his side. plan an event out. Have dinner together. Simple things. But also let him have his space to cry and let it all out. Hope he gets better soon. Goodluck best wishes

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My 18 year old son broke down crying because his girlfriend of 3 years left him. What can I do to help him?

My 18 year old son is in his first year at the local community college here in Scottsdale. He just recently graduated high school, and he has been with his girlfriend for the last 3 and a half years through high school. They were pretty much inseparable, went to high school dances, his baseball...

ok I am 26 and married but something similar happened to me when I was 17. I think he just needs time to learn how to be himself as a whole instead of a half of a partnership. I went through stages. First I just layed around for maybe like a week or two and cried and was feeling very depressed. Then I remember wanting to just get out and go wild, I guess blow off some steam. This was the hard part for my family watching me party all the time and knowing I wasn't truly happy but it was the only thing that made me feel alive. It helped that my family didn't really talk about it or bad mouth my ex boyfriend to me but they were there to listen when I needed it. About two maybe three months later I finally started feeling like I was finding who I really was and that it wasn't who I was when I was with him. Oh ya and embarrassing but true when I was in my party stage I was always obsessing about bumping into him or calling him for some dumb reason and your son may feel that way too since there was no real closer in the relationship. I hope this helped at all. Good Luck :) Oh by the way, I think you are very good parents to want to help your son like this kudos.

Well im a 18 year old woman, the fact that he even opened up and told you that him and his girlfriend broke up is a huge thing and you guys are obviously close but it JUST happened. What he needs now is space and lots of it. He is probably having some problems with his pride right now and he needs time to get over it and breath, if he wants to talk to you man to man he will. He will come to you. In the mean time let him deal with it on his own. Let him know he can talk with you and just tell him if he ever needs some advice you will be there, that your not going anywhere, and that you understand. But don't try to pressure him to let her go or try to pressure him to open up. Breakups are all hard and now you have to watch your son go through it, and you will see alot more of it so might as well get used to it....

I would try to maybe take him outand have a good time try to get his head off her. Do not let him call her it will just make him more sad and it more worse. Three years is a lot. I would just do more with him. Maybe talk to him about it later on when he isn't as hurt. But right now I would try getting him out the house have fun take him to see a concert and stuff just go out with his mommy and daddy and you know get his mind completely off the break up and everything. Yeah he should let her go. I would try to make him laugh at the best I could. Be there for him show you care but not talk of her and things you know.

Just reading your question...brought tears to my eyes. I'm a mother and I remember it well when the same thing happened to one of my daughters...she was devastated /heart broken . I did what you are doing ...but I didn't pressurise her to talk about it . In time his heart will heal , he is young and has so many years / girls / experiences ahead of him , and this hurt is just the beginning of him growing to be a better , stronger young man . As much as we (parents ) would love to protect our children from the hurts of this world ...sadly we can't ...but that's ok because he has to go through pain of all sorts ...so he can learn to survive in this big world .

I suggest you be there for him ...be patient / calm / understanding / and most of all loving . Some other girl will come along and that will be another love story .

My daughter is 42 yrs old married and very happy ....in fact she said she now realises it was the best thing that could have happened to her ...if it hadn't she would not have met her husband .

Don't encourage him to contact her ...it's best that he lets go now ...if he doesn't , it will only drag the pain out .for longer .

you are just going to have to be there for him. it is a hard thing but help him by being there to talk to and make sure that he doesn't completely fall apart.

sometimes all a person needs is a project to help them through a hard time, something to hold onto that gets you up and going. but usually such project suggestions should be tabled until the constant crying has stopped and the normal period of numbness has started. he is going to go through all the stages of grief.

hopefully what he takes from this is not that risking your heart is a bad thing but that risk is a part of all living. some things are worth it even if that is just for the life lesson.

The same thing happened to me. I'm 18 and my boyfriend of two years recently left me after a hard time. I even lived in his house!

Don't make him talk, don't even tell him to talk to her. Be there to offer support, but don't force it. Don't leave him even when he tells you to go away. If you can get a word in, tell him how awesome he is and how he'll be okay without her, but don't dwell upon it. The thing that helped me the most was when I said "what a bastard" and my family said "I know honey, he's awful." Or I said, "I'm so depressed" and they took me out for the night. Make sure he's comfortable, but don't be weird. He wants things to go back to normal... I know I did. I's upsetting because you love them so much, but it's also upsetting because your whole life gets turned around. Maybe they'll get back together one day, but don't force that either. Let him cry, but NEVER leave his side. Even if he acts like he doesn't need you, he does. Tell him stupid stories about you breaking up with girls or them leaving you. If he doesn't want to talk, just be there. Wait it out.