Is it next to impossible to date a Physician in their 1st year of Residency?!?
They guy is 2 years older than me (31), from India, lives in NY now, which is about 2 hours from me. I can't drive due to vision impairment so he'd have to come visit me. We've never met yet. He's extremely busy with his Residency that he started in July 2011. I don't hear from him too much. We had plans to go out on Friday and I waited to hear what time he was coming by to get me...etc. But he didin't even mention our plans. Just texted me back and said he was tired and had a headache. Starting tomorrow, he starts his ICU Rotation and said he probably wouldn't text me & would only have 1 day off a week. I don't think that a relationship is going to be working too good like this...with his crazy schedule and where he lives. Should I just give up on him? He's very friendly and smart! I really like him.
Sphen2012-02-05T18:28:27Z
Favorite Answer
Yes, it is hard, sometimes impossible, to carry on much in the way of relationships during residency. Even married couples and people who live together or are dating in person find surviving the rigors of residency training very very challenging. I think you would probably be better off moving on, looking for someone either closer or less busy. Generally, it's nearly impossible to start a new relationship in residency particularly from so far away. People I knew whose relationship survived residency were people who were very strong independent and financially/emotionally secure, so that all the time the doctor/resident was away the remaining spouse/partner was still living their life and not dependent on the other person. The first year of residency is the hardest. It gets better after that but is never "great" nor "easy" it's a challenge the whole way through with little time for anything else. If you think you can be happy in a relationship that is long distance and where you will rarely if ever see the person, go ahead and wait it out. But having survived residency myself, I would encourage you to just "remain friends" with this person and continue to seek out other companionship and date others as well.
It's difficult to date a 1st year Resident if you live in the same city as them. When my husband was a 1st year resident, there were times that I would only see him 1 day a week, and we lived in the same house. It's not abnormal for 1st year Residents to get only 1 day off each week (or none), or to work 80-100 hours each week. Their hours are incredibly unpredictable (they might think they will be working from 7-5, and end up working until 9 that evening because of incoming consults or emergencies). If regular dates and communication are important to you, a 1st year Resident is not a good choice for you. If you can be flexible and live your own life while he's working crazy hours, it might work out. Of course, with the 2 hour trip, I wouldn't count on meeting him anytime soon.