Should I withdraw my son from college? Please help!?
My son is 19 and enrolled in a 2 year college Police Officer program. He just started 3 weeks ago and has barely attended classes. I told him he needs to attend lecture and complete online work. This is after his friends told him attending class isn't necessary because all the work online. I said I wouldn't pay for school if he doesn't attend. He tells me to stay out of his business and that he can't tell me how to live. He says you can't control me and I'm not making deals or conditions with you. After this, he claimed he will go to school several times, but he barely.did. Then I dragged him out of bed and told him, I'm withdrawing you if you don't go to school. He said no, you would never do that to me, even though you say it. I asked if he even really wanted to be a cop and that he has stiff competition. He can't explain why he doesn't want to go to school. He goes out with his friends and doesn't get a job--keeps saying he will. He is not doing drugs or drinking.
In the past, when he was in high school, it was the same pattern. He would tell me he didn't feel good to get out of school, his attendance was horrible. He barely got by and even took an extra year of high school (canada) and he never finished it. I used to put up with it because I had gone through a divorce so I knew he was going through things.
Should I allow him the semester to skate through classes his way, or do I withdraw? I''m afraid he won't get into college again and that he'll end up a loser.
snowangel972016-09-29T10:15:15Z
My son recently started college, 1200 miles from me. I too, monitored him and forced him to do his work and go to school when he was in high school and to be honest, I wish I hadn't! Now, he struggles more in college, because he didn't have that time to grow up and become independent when he was at home and I could help if needed. Like many of the PP's have mentioned, you cannot withdraw him from school, since he is legally an adult.I would honestly suggest letting him continue on and make his own mistakes. Often times, making the mistake and dealing with it- HIMSELF- is the only way he will learn and grow. As for the way he's behaving and speaking to you, I would suggest having a long talk with him about how that made you feel, respect toward you, and your expectations for his behavior at home- especially since he's an adult now. Do you think that would help?
I don't know how it works in Canada, but in the US parents don't have the power to withdraw their children (adult or minor) from college classes. Because of federal education privacy laws (FERPA) parents don't have the privilege to talk to college administrators, counselors, or instructors about their child's program, attendance, grades, or even finances (even if the parents are paying) unless the student signs a release. As hard as it is on you (I'm a mom, too!), it is accountability and consequence time for your son. Tell him if he doesn't have a C average (or other standard you decide), you will not pay for his next term. Additionally, if he isn't going to school (or maybe working a certain number of hours per week if he opts to not attend school--you decide), he will need to find another living situation. Did he decide to pursue the police officer program on his own or was the decision made for him? I ask because he doesn't seem very motivated by it. Maybe he would rather do automotive or welding or something more technical? You could offer another option, too. Good luck--I know it's hard, but he has to make decisions (or non-decisions) and suffer the consequences
Just tell him that you will stop financing his schooling unless he changes his ways and then stick to your guns. This will mean notifying the college at the end of the term if you are withdrawing your financial support.
After all... it's YOUR MONEY!
If he still wants to be a cop he can get his own financing or enlist in the military and take the MP route to a career in law enforcement.
You can't withdraw him since he is 19. However you can do 2 things. 1. Stop paying for his classes. 2. Kick him out of the house. Legally, he can be on his own.