Should a twenty year old daughter be allowed to visit with her boyfriend in her room upstairs after 11pm?

Your house, your rules. Abide by them or she can find her own way in the world. She is an adult now and time to act like one. There are more issues here than what you list. Would it be okay with you if they were alone and the younger children were not there? And whatever rules you set now the younger ones will have to follow later in life. Obviously you are considering this to be okay or you would not ask. Go with your heart. You will have to explain to the younger ones this behavior. Not that sex may be going on in the room but the rules of visitation and privacy.

If it was only the parents who were there, that would be up to you to decide whether you felt that was appropriate or not. If you do not feel it is appropriate, then she should respect you and not do that.

Since there are younger siblings in the house however, I think it should not be allowed. This will not be a good message to them. And I think you are not happy with this boy she has found. But you can only do so much when she is that age. She has to make her own decisions about who to date. You can offer advice, but you have to let her become her own person, even if that means making mistakes.

As for cooking and cleaning, etc, tell her you know that she is so busy with school and work and all, but that as long as she lives in the house rent-free, she owes you the respect of contributing to the chores, at least as much as she can.

If she's not contributing then she should have no extra privileges. If she were paying rent, that might be another situation but IN HER OWN PLACE. With younger children around and out of respect for YOUR HOUSE she should not be allowed male visitors so late. She is basically a guest in your house while she goes to school and works. Boyfriend sounds like trouble, but it's her life. I would not let him stay late, especially not overnight, because once he's there once, it will be hard to get him out and you may find yourself with a live-in boyfriend soon. Weasels have a way of finding "loopholes" and taking advantage of parents who don't want to upset their children by standing their ground. He may be a good guy, I have no idea, but you have the right to ask her not to have him over so late in your house. If she really wants her independence, she can move out and find out what it is like to have your own place, no rules, nobody else to cook, cleanor pay the bills for you. Hopefully she'll realize how easy she has it staying at home while going to school. I moved out on my own from the dorms and that was one of the biggest mistakes I made at the time.

Are they all in the same room? I don't know what to tell you. I think you're better off letting her because of her age, but actually talk to her and let her know, following the old technique of "I want you to know that I shouldn't be telling a grown woman what to do or not to do. I can't tell you to not sleep with your boyfriend, but remember that when you sleep with someone under the same roof, it is a sign of a serious commitment...". The whole idea behind this is to give your grown up kid the most precious of all gifts which is your trust. When they feel trusted, kids fell empowered. She won't be able to fight you. She might have the boyfriend over, but it might not last too long.

This is not proven. I read about it in "How to argue and win everytime" by Gerry Spence. Good luck.

Come on now she 20 yrs old. She can pretty much do whatever she wants. And besides with school and a job she shouldnt have to do anything around the house. She should give a lil somethin to the family tho because yall are lettin her live there. But there is no reason y her BF shouldnt be able to come over.She has to grow up sometime.

No. For the sake of the 11 and 8 year-old.

Ya, I can understand why your 20-yr-old is arguing with you, (I am 22), but you are the one who is right. It's your house - stick to your guns and follow through. Maybe you could make them stay downstairs and watch TV or whatever but if she's insisting on staying upstairs in her room with the door closed then they are doing something unappropriate in your house. Blatenly tell her that it's not okay for her to be in her room behind closed doors because it is your house, you are not stupid, and you know that she is being sexually active in your house. Then you walk away and that is that.. no arguing, no debating or negotiating, don't let her try and reason with you or convince you that they aren't doing that in your house cause they are and it's not right. So again.. just walk away and that's that, end of story.

i had a similar problem with my mom i never agreed with her until i got pregnant... its your house...i don't care how old your daughter is...while living under your roof she needs to abide by your rules...no boys in the room past 11 that means no boys in the room past 11, esp if she has younger siblings its just not appropriate...i'm 20 and about to have a baby i live on my own but when me and my b/f spend the night at my parents house we are on seperate floors just out of respect for my parents, and i don't even have siblings.

she's an adult, so restricting her visitors isn't going to help anything. You should talk to her, let her know that you realize that she is an adult, and can be with whom ever she wants. Let her know if you don't aprove of her boyfriend, she may take that into consideration. You can also tell her that she needs to contribute to the family or pay rent.

No. Tell her to start helping out around the house and then perhaps things will change, but I don't think it's a good idea with her siblings home and asleep.