What would you do in this situation?

I would go ahead with what you are doing. Your legal rights need to be protected, so you need to go forward with the divorce. This does not mean you can't be friends with him later, but being married to someone this unstable can be risky to you.

I can not walk in your shoes, but share my experience. I was married once a long time ago. I took my vows seriously. We went through very difficult times after the death of our child and did not work on our relationship. Many years later I have never met another man I wanted to say vows to. I hope you can work it out. As long as he is not abusive! If you really meant what you said when you married him, life is long and four years is short relative to the 50 or more you have to go. Best of luck to you.

An actual divorce is no rush, you can do it anytime. If he really is seeking help give it more time. You can not go back and redo the choices you make. I hate the idea of cheating, but if I could go back and save my marriage I would. Seems everyone wants it easy these days re: the answers you have gotten so far. If we were all so together and happy, what would we be doing on here? Go with your heart, love is not something to take lightly, it may only come once in a life time, and for some not at all.

if he can´t be trusted, as you said, then don´t put yourself in a situation you might get hurt again. No matter how much he desires to be forgiven and get back to you, I understand what betrayal feels like, and I don´t think that counseling or medical help is enough to let something like that behind. Confidence in each other is one of the things, alone with open communication and mutual respect, that are the basis of marriage, if one of them is missing or was ever put to serious danger, then the whole relationship starts to rot.

I think you should be clear to him and make him understand that, no matter what he does, you forgive him but you two are NOT getting back together, and for yourself, you should start thinking of him ONLY as a close friend, and try to erase from your mind that you were his wife once. I know how hard it can be, but you need to move on so you can ease the pain and heal the wounds to be happy again.

If you are hesitant, then there is a reason. I, too, was cheated on and completely understand the trust issues. Trust is earned, which takes time. Also keep in mind that if he is being treated for depression, you could see a positive change in his entire outlook soon. I would wait a while longer to see what happens. Don't make such a big decision until you are absolutely sure it's what you want to do. I don't think you're at that point right now.

Between a rock and a hard place, aren't you? Depending on how he deals with the meds, he can do very, very, very well. On the other hand, he may feel better and get off the meds--and drop right back into the same pattern. It's a funny business this depression.

If you have it in your heart, give him time to earn his way back first as a friend and then? Who knows? I'd let him know that you intend to be intolerant of mess-ups and then, follow up on that statement. There aren't a whole lot of folks in this world who'll qualify as quality friends, let alone marriage partners. Do you have to do the big D right away?

It's normal that you still have good feelings towards this person since you both had a longtime relationship; however, keep in mind that when he cheated you he didn't mind the sufferings that unfaithfulness will likely bring you.

If I were in this situation I would let him deal by himself with his depression, you aren't harming him in anyway if you decide that, it also may benefit him since he'll probably learn how to tackle his emotional problems on his own.

However, it's important that we follow what our hearts say if you think that the right thing is to help him with his depression as a friend it's just OK.

I have been in your shoes. Was married 23 yrs. I am now divorced for over 2 yrs. Ask that he seek counseling with you and if he still refuses seek counseling for yourself. You do have every reason to move forward with your life.( You have grounds for a biblical divorce if he asks why you are moving ahead with this.) Depression is sad and hard on him and every one, but you are correct in saying it is enough. There were some similar problems involved in my marriage, and you just need to be strong and firm. Don't be a doormat. Best of luck to you!

Sounds like there are a lot of unresolved issues on both your parts. I'd try to have both of you go to a counselor to work some of this out. You first said you'd pretty much forgiven him, but then say you haven't. Which is it? Good men are hard to find - bad men are easy to find. I'd at least talk with him further to figure out how much help he's gotten and is he really trying to figure himself out. If he is then maybe he's worth a little more time. Good Luck!

i know its the hardest thing to do, when a huge betrayel of trust enters into a marriage, however maybe you should try again, seems like the seperation only brought out the fact that you miss him a lot~~~i mean dont forgive him like that because nobody can do that/ if you do decide to take him back forgive him a little if you feel like it day by day................forgiveness is not the same for everyone and takes different times as such~~~however it seems that you miss him more then dislike him...and if that is true then there might be something there worth saving

goodluck:)

I went through the same thing almost. Just go ahead and see your lawyer and file the petition for divorce. He has lost your trust and that is something that is super hard to win back. You can still be friends, get the divorce, and if he ever wants you back, he will have to earn your trust first.

There is a point where you have to do what's best for you. You obviously care for him, and that's wonderful...but you need to care about yourself first now.

You've been separated a year. He cheated on you. He's had more than enough time to adjust to the idea that the two of you are going to move on separately.

Do what you need to do, but do it for you. I think it's about time.