How do you console a child when Mom talks to one sibling but not the other?

Suzie is young. I know you don't want to lie to her but sometime you may need to bend the truth a little bit in order to spare her feelings. You don't have to tell her what you think of her mother, but make some excuses for why it is that way with her mother.

You have tried to talk to her mother, and it does not help, but you did try.

Maybe you can try putting her on the phone first. Make her mom acknowledge her. If the mother talks too long to "John" after that, you cut the conversation short. It may sound unfair to John but the mother has to understand that she is causing a disruption in the family by showing that type of favortism. John will not suffer.

She might get the point and spend the time with Suzy, even if it's because she wants to talk to John. And that prepaid phone would be going right back to her. Let her know that no one has open access to anyone under your care and custody. If she wanted to have 24hr access, she should have been the custodial parent. All calls come through the house line and you and your husband are due that courtesy.

Hope this is a help to you. Take care and remain positive.

Well you can give Suzie any number of excuses, in order to keep her from having bad feelings about what is happening. But kids are very perceptive and you can't keep much from them. They understand so much more than we think they do.

I think the most effective way to handle it, is to help the mother understand what her behavior is doing to the child. This is not an easy task to accomplish, and you must do so without making her feel defensive, because then she won't hear you at all.

The best way to do this is by using "I" messages instead of "you" messages. By this I mean, instead of saying - "You aren't calling Suzie and she is hurt and you are a bad parent, etc. etc." you can tell her "I feel bad when you talk to John and not ask for Suzie because I see that it hurts her feelings. " You can then go on to explain what her actions are that make you believe this. You can also reinforce her by saying something in the beginning such as "You are such a good mother, and this is so unlike you."

The point is to get your message across without having her turn you off the instant you start talking. The other question I would have - is this something that is new? or has she always had behaviors like this? Has something happened to cause her to become this way? Your husband might need to ask these questions to, because they are his children, and his ex-wife's behaviors will always affect the children.

I hope all works out well because children do not deserve to be the emotional punching bag for adults feelings.

Take care.

Wow that is hard. Because Suzie is so young. :( I think your husband needs to sit down with his ex and really explain to her, give specific examples (like, you talked to John for 26 minutes on Tuesday but talked to Suzie for 3. She cried afterwords.) so that she can understand. If she doesn't, wow, that would be a hard one. Maybe someone else (besides her ex) can talk to her about it on more neutral terms. Is there a friend that both of them still have, that could talk nicely and be on the "ex's side" so she doesn't get all uptight and feel like her parenting is under a microscope? (This could be why she wont work with you guys)

As for Suzie. Man, that would be hard. How do you explain? Not easily. Maybe try "Mommy gets so busy, why dont you come and color a picture for her with me, and we can mail it to her?" or when she calls to talk to John, have him go in his room, away from Suzie, so she cant hear.

She is too young to know about favorites. :(

Do you know if Suzie and her mom get along when she is home? Maybe the mother is just, well, kind of mental and has clashed with Suzie enough to put her off like this. Maybe in the long run, Suzie might want to move in with you and her dad?

:( Sorry you have to deal with this, and sorry Suzie has to go through this! :( It's heartbreaking!

I was the middle child, I was the only girl and my brothers got all of the attention especially the two younger ones. There was definate a playing of favorites in the family and that causes more grief than what I can describe and so much heartbreak.

Just let the child know how special she is just as any child is and let her know that just because Mom doesn't want to talk to her or give her attention she is not a bad child by any means. Do what you can to make this little girl feel like she is special and that she is not at fault for the way Mom is treating her.

Well, that is hurting Suzie's self-esteem, maybe even making her think her mom doesn't want anything to do with her. That could lead to jealious toward her brother. Sounds like favorism. Wonder if Suzie is left out of the picture when they are at their mom's? There as to be a reason why she is ingoring her.

Maybe you two should look into letting her live with you. Doesnt sound like it would be much of a fight with the mom.

You can just let mom know how Suzie feels. I do not think it will change though. Just give Suzie extra attention. I see this alot. I work with 4's and all i can do is spend extra time and make the child feel special.

I think your husband needs to have a talk with his ex-wife by himself. She may not welcome advice from you and in fact may resist it. And why does she think you both don't care about the son? Maybe an honest heart-to-heart can reveal some truths to both parents. For the children's sake, maybe a family councelor, for him, the children and their mother could help. Split up or not---they are still a family.

This is a very sad situation and someone really needs to get her to see what she is doing and understand how this will affect her children.

I have three children as well who fight to talk with me on the phone when they go see their dad. I make it a point to talk with all of them!!!! The mothers obsession with one child does not seem natural and I would be very careful. If I were you I would seek legal help and get those kids full time!

You both need to have a serious talk with the ex about how she is treating her daughter. That isn't fair to the child and isn't right. If she doesn't want to be bothered with the daughter then maybe you should consider having the daughter or both of the kids live with you.

Well my dad never wants to talk to me and always talks to my brother. Im not sure why someone would do that?!